Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-01-17 05:38:11 (UTC)

Be Happy With What You Have

**

I'm tired. I got a total of 3 hours sleep last night and
the combination of sleep deprivation and sadness is
starting to get to me. This will be short.

Snookums and I spent our last few (waking) hours together
doing what we always do. We laid in bed, watched tv and
talked a little. We made love (it was not just sex. It was
slow, methodical and very intentional), spooned and
eventually fell asleep. Well, he fell asleep. I laid in
bed waiting for morning to come. Eventually, I got up,
because I was starting to get restless just laying there.
I turned on the computer and started composing a letter
I've been meaning to write Snookums for a long time. A 3
page manifesto proclaiming all the reasons why I love him.
It took me about an hour and when I say 3 pages I mean it.
Single spaced, size 10 font. I slipped it into his
backpack and then headed back to bed. I was able to
fitfully fall asleep around 2am and was up by 4am to see
Snookums off. He left the house around 4:30am and I laid
in bed for a couple hours before nodding off again. I was
up by 8am, though and decided that I needed to get up and
start living, because if I didn't at that point, I wasn't
going to.

My original intention was to go to the gym and simply pick
up my life where I'd left off when Snookums came home, but
it didn't work out that way. The Stennis was due to pull
out at 10am, which was right when I'd planned on leaving
the gym (of course the gym is directly in front of the
ship, no more than maybe 1000 feet away). I didn't want to
watch the ship pull out. I didn't want to hear the ships
whistles as it pulled out. I didn't want to be near the
base when it happened. So, Gen and I met up at Starbucks
instead. It definitely was the much better choice.

I worked from 12-4 today, which was a Godsent. I needed
the diversion. I haven't worked in so long, it was almost
a treat to be there. The crowds are gone, so I had lots of
time available to do projects. I marked down 200 pairs of
Body By Victoria panties, unpacked a box of 100 pink
pants, marked them down, put them on hangers and hung them
on a circular rack according to size. I felt very
productive and I didn't think about Snookums leaving at
all. Until I realized it was 4pm and time for me to go.
Then reality came rushing back.

I stopped in Famous Footwear after work, to pick up these
fur boots I've had my eye on for almost a month. They were
$99, then $69 and today they where $39! I couldn't resist
it anymore. I had to have them. So, on my way to the car,
I stopped in and bought them. I got them home, tried them
on (again), walked around the house and promptly decided
that I can live without them. They'll be going back
tomorrow. HAWAII, HAWAII, HAWAII!!!! I'm serious. I really
want to go to Hawaii and every penny I DON'T spend on
something I really don't like or want will be more money I
have to devote to our little vacation. Besides, I have
these fabulous Timberland boots Snookums bought me in San
Diego a year ago that I have worn only ONCE. They're
chocolate brown with diffent colored and textured leather
patches all over them. They look like a Coach bag, only
they're boots. I didn't have the confidence to pull them
off when he bought them for me, but I do now, so I'm going
to rock them tomorrow! Another lesson I need to relearn:
be happy with what you have.

Gen and I met up again around 5:30pm. We went grocery
shopping together. Well, I grocery shopped. Gen just
picked up a few things. I needed to get some healthier
foods for me and some things for the girls. I got a cart
full of stuff for $37.48, which is crazy considering the
last time I was at the Commissary, I spent $186 something
on junk food for Snookums. That was also a reminder he's
gone. No more junk food.

Okay. I'm done writing. I'm so tired, I'm typing with my
eyes closed. Sleep, please don't illude me...Ciao.




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