Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2007-01-16 04:24:43 (UTC)

I'm Going To Be Okay

***

Sorry for not writing the past couple of nights. It wasn't
my fault (the site was down), but somehow, I still feel
accountable. Anyhow, I'm here now and that's really all
that matters.

Saturday, I spent in bed. Snookums was buzzing around all
day, with a million things to do, getting ready for
deployment. I just sat back and watched him. Envying his
distractedness. I don't think it really occured to him
what he was preparing for. He was just busy doing what he
had to do. The man was all over the place. Taking care of
the girls, packing his seabag, cleaning, doing laundry. I
couldn't muster the energy to shower, let alone join in
his preoccupation.

Sunday, I also spent in bed. Surprise, surprise. This
time, Snookums was in there with me. The jovial man from
the day before was gone. I think it finally sunk in that
this was it. The last weekend (for 8 months!) he'd get
with his family. He pulled away. He didn't want to take
care of the girls. He didn't want to do anything around
the house. I'd already pulled away, I needed to just let
go of him, to ensure I'd be okay. I can understand why he
needed to do the same. I spent most of the afternoon (from
around 2:30pm to 5pm) ironing his uniforms (because he
doesn't know how to crease them properly) and civvies
(street clothes) because he needs to wear collared shirts
and pressed pants when he goes on liberty in foreign
countries (something about being an ambassador for the
US). 12 uniforms and 4 outfits later, I was finally done
and Snookums was all ready to go.

Today was very hard. Snookums had to work until 1pm today.
I guess the Captain had a little pep rally to get them
psyched about tomorrow, but according to Snookums it
didn't work. Not only were the sailors NOT psyched, they
were pissed that they had to come in on a holiday (the
LAST day with their families) for a stinking Captain's
Call (the official name for the pep rally). Snookums took
the opportunity to drop off some of his stuff, so he won't
have to carry as much tomorrow morning. I eventually
pulled myself out of bed, showered (I even put a relaxer
in my nappy hair so I'd look nicer) and pretended like it
was an ordinary day. We played SpongeBob Life, watched
cartoons together and I made Snookie's last dinner.
Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy. No vegetable. He's
just not a vegetable kind of guy and for his last meal, I
humored him.

The girls are to bed now, the kitchen is clean and it's
time for us to spend our last hours together. I shouldn't
keep him waiting while I write in here. I'll have 8 months
(or more) to talk to myself (which is what writing in here
feels like, if you ever wondered). I don't know what
Snookums wants to do tonight, but having sex isn't high on
my list. If he wants to, I certainly won't say no, but I'd
rather just talk until we fall asleep. I'm such a woman, I
know.

He'll be leaving around 4am tomorrow. Liberty expires at
6am and the lines going on base will be horrific, so
that's why he's leaving so early. I'm not going to drop
him off. As planned, he's going to drive himself, leave
the truck in the parking lot and Sam can pick it up from
there. I don't want to see it, but I might accidentally
when I go to the gym. I'm going to be okay. I just have to
get through this week...Ciao.




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