Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-12-31 04:30:21 (UTC)

Instead Of Succumbing

***

I'm cranky. I had a crappy day for three reasons. 1) The 4
hour nap (yesterday) did come back to haunt me. I didn't
fall asleep until after 1am, because I wasn't tired. Of
course, when Kiki got up her usual 7am (and I had to get
up with her), I was tired. 5 1/2 hours sleep would be
considered good during the week, but is utterly uncalled
for on the weekend. 2) Snookums had duty, when all I
really wanted was a day at home with him (and the girls).
Without the pagentry of Christmas. Christmas sucks, I only
do it because I have children. If I didn't have them, I
wouldn't celebrate, but this isn't a ranting about my
hatred for Christmas, it's about my crappy day, so
onward...and 3) I laid in bed all day, let the girls have
free reign of the house (which didn't go so well, like it
ever does) and now I'm tired, cranky, lonely AND have to
clean the house or hear no end of it from Snookums.

I don't know why I can't admit to my doctor that the
depression isn't gone. It's so much better (compared to 6
months ago) that I feel petty about complaining because
40% of the time I want to crawl under a rock, eat fudge
until I puke, or take the back-up Vicodin in my purse. As
opposed to 100% of the time, like I used to. I should be
happy with the improvement I've got and just struggle
through the rest of the time, instead of succumbing to it.
I just wish I could make the most of my days off. It's
almost like, if I don't have to work (or aren't being paid
or made to do something), I can't bring myself to do a
damn thing. Isn't that sad?

Well, I think I'll go now. I want to take a shower, get
the house somewhat straightened up and then pray my period
comes on (no sign of it yet, boobies still hurting). Ciao.




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