Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-12-19 07:19:47 (UTC)

The Energetic High I Induce

****

Days are starting to blend together. One day turns into
another before I really even realize what day it was. It's
strange. My mind thinks its still in Novemeber, but it's
almost the end of December. Maybe it's just because I've
been so busy this month. Work has been taking up a lot of
my time and life seems to be revolving around it. If I'm
not at work, I'm preparing to go. If I just got off from
work, I'm coming down off the energetic high I induce
within myself to help me be perky, bubbly and super
helpful to the clueless men and woman that stumble into
the store.

Today I've been pensive. I haven't been feeling quite like
myself lately and I'm trying to figure out why. I've been
floating around in my own mental bubble, not letting much
else come in or go out of my mind. I haven't been as
involved with life as I have been. If I'm not working, it
seems I'm not living. I don't want to do anything. I don't
feel depressed. Just REALLY lazy. I don't clean, I don't
cook, I don't do anything but what I have to. I look to
Snookums to do everything else, and he has been. Maybe I'm
thinking too deeply into this. Maybe I'm just plain tired.

I'm actually feeling a little twinge of guilt. It isn't
really guilt, but I can't find a better word for it.
Remorse? Sympathy? I don't know. Let me explain. Today at
work, I offered this young lady (probably a few years
younger than me) the angels card. I offer everyone the
angels card. I spit out my same shiel I always use, and
the girl said "okay". She handed me a reference card,
gave me her social, answered all the questions and was
instantly approved. When I handed her the temporary card,
she nearly shit a solid gold brick. "It's a credit card! I
didn't know it was a credit card"! The first thing out of
my mouth is always "The angels card is our in store credit
card". Somehow, she didn't hear this and started freaking
out about what her husband would say or do when he found
out. She got on her cell phone right there in the line to
cancel it. At first I felt guilty because she'd
misunderstood, then I felt remorse for even taking credit
for the card, then I felt sympathy for how scared she was
of her husband's reaction. I couldn't imagine having a
husband that could instill true FEAR in me. I'm a free
woman (and so is that girl). Why would anyone allow
themselves to be treated that way? I don't know. I just
know I felt bad for her. I don't know what she ended up
doing. She paid and left. Her credit limit was only $350.
What's so bad about that?

Other than that incident, the rest of my day went well.
Snookums and Annie put up the old standby artificial tree
Helena bought us a few Christmases back. I hate fake
trees, but it doesn't look like we'll have time to go cut
down a real one with my schedule. I don't even feel bad
about it. I don't feel like doing the whole tree thing,
just like I don't feel like doing anything else. I was
glad Annie and Snookums did it, because I didn't want to
decorate. In fact, I'd be perfectly happy never
decorating. Thanks to my Mom for ruining that tradition
for me, like so many others.

Okay, so now I'm off to do one of the few things I still
like to do...sleep. I'm so worn out. Ciao and goodnight.




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