Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Developmentally Delayed
****
I did it. I bit the bullet and I made the call. The people
at Holly Ridge seem very nice. I spoke with a lady named
Carol who went through the screening process with me. I
hadn't expected much to happen today, but I was surprised.
Carol administered a 45 minute long evaluation to
determine if Kiki was a least 25% delayed (that would mean
she's thinking on a 15 month old's level or younger) and
therefore, eligible for the program. Kiki didn't pass a
single catagory of the evaluation. She was at least 25%
delayed in all areas. Mobility, communication, self-care,
mental development, and socialization. Because she was
more than 25% delayed, they bumped her up on the waiting
list, so she won't have to wait as long to get in. Carol
is mailing me the paperwork to fill out and also a WIC
application. I guess now that Kiki is "special needs" we
qualify for it, because we're just $3 per month under the
maximum income for a family of 4. Okay. I'm not ashamed to
take free milk, eggs, cheese, peanut butter, cereal, etc.
Free is free and if we're entitled to it, then I'll take
it. Snookums is also going to look into updating his page
two and getting exceptional family member status. I don't
know what all that entails, but the military wouldn't
offer it if it didn't help out with things. For the most
part, I think Tricare will cover all of Kiki's medical
bills. I hope. We still have a ton more screening to go
through to find out if she's hearing impaired and just how
behind she actually is. When I look at her, I can't
believe that she's considered delayed at all. No, she
isn't the brightest light bulb in the box, but she
certainly isn't burned out, either.
I had good intentions for my day off. I washed our sheets
(because I had a menstrual accident on them) and I'd meant
to wash the car, but I got caught up in the evaluation
phone call and by the time I got to it, Snookums was home
from work and wanted to go out. It's rediculous how filthy
our car is. It's usually an eggshell shade of white, but
right now, it's covered in salt, dirt and sand from the
snow we had last week, so it's more like a shade of beige
with dirt over it. I'm so ashamed of it. I need to find
time to wash it, but my next day off isn't until Friday
and Snookums has his toe surgery that day. I'll have to
find a moment tomorrow or Thursday, because I can barely
see out the back window.
I'm having mixed emotions about my eating habits. I like
being vegan. I like the strictness of my eating habits. I
like knowing that everything I eat (excluding the
occasional french fry binge) is healthy for me and won't
cause my stomach to tie itself into painful knots and
constipate me for weeks on end. I even found vegan soups
and bean recipe mixes at World Market to spice up my diet
(which is always appreciated). The only problem I'm having
is Snookums. He loves to eat out and wants me to enjoy
eating out, too. The fact of the matter is, I don't. There
isn't much for me to eat when we go out. Boring plain
salads, steamed vegetables and french fries. That gets
old. Or pinto beans and rice at Mexican restaurants. I'm
tired of it. For one, it frustrates me that that's all
there is out there for me to eat (but I understand my diet
isn't in high demand) and secondly, I don't enjoy eating
out as much as he does and I don't want to be in
environments where all I smell is meat, cheese and other
aromas I don't find appealing anymore. Snookums is trying
to get me to just be vegetarian, but the disturbing thing
is, whenever I get close to giving it a try (like after
Thanksgiving) I end up chickening out. I'm happy being
vegan. I think I'll just stick with it. Who's going to
stop me?
Last night Snookums did something so out of his character,
so unlike him, that I'm still having a hard time believing
he did it. I talked to Gen about it and since then I
haven't been able to stop mulling it over in my head. I
tried bringing it up to Snookums, but for some reason, I
just couldn't bring myself to address the topic. We were
having such a good day, I didn't want to ruin it by being
heavy. I suppose it's not too late. But anyhow, I'm sure
you're dying to know what he did... Snookums MADE me have
sex. I told him I didn't want to. I rolled over, with my
back to him, but he persisted. He got irritated with me
when I refused to give him head. Usually he doesn't want
sex when I don't want it, but last night was weird. He
coerced me into it. He rolled me on my back, took off my
pants and pulled out my tampon (I was still spotting a
little). He just did it anyway. I didn't fight him or
anything, I just let him do his thing, but all the while I
was wondering why he didn't respect my wishes. It kind of
hurt my feelings, because he's never been inconsiderate
like that. I don't want people to judge Snookums as a bad
man because of this. I certainly don't want to hear
negative comments about Snookums. I just wanted to voice
what's going on in my head. I have a lot of things going
on in there right now. I'm feeling a little weighed down
at the moment and I'm trying to be optimistic about
things. I just needed to get some negative out. I'm so
tired. Mentally tired. Life is a cycle. We all go through
seasons. Sometimes things are going great, sometimes
hardships come along. This storm shall pass.
I've decided I will talk with Snookums about last night.
Our relationship has always been based on communication,
love and support for one another. He knows my past and I'm
sure if he had thought more deeply about how his
persistance would affect me, he wouldn't have done it, but
we are talking about Snookums here. I love him, but he's
not the brightest color in the crayon box and thinking
things through has never been his forte.
I'd like to go to bed now, but I can't. The Victoria's
Secret fashion show comes on in 45 minutes and it's kind
of a homework assignment. The idea being that woman will
come in tomorrow looking for the bras they saw on the
show. Unless we start carrying rhinestone encrusted bras
and angel wings, I seriously doubt it, but okay. Ciao.
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