Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-11-23 05:16:10 (UTC)

I'm A Junky. I Accept That.

****

Today hasn't been bad. It hasn't been the best day ever,
but I can't complain. What would be the point? No one's
listening, anyway.

I slept very deeply last night. I always do when Snookums
come home. I didn't really want to get up this morning and
since Snookums was here to take Annie to school, I didn't
have to! We kept Kiki with us today, so she wouldn't be
exposed to daycare germs unnecessarily.

I got my Celexa prescription refilled today, thankfully. I
was completely out and the prospects for a Happy
Thanksgiving were starting to look bleak. The side effects
of not taking it are EXCRUCIATING. I know antidepressants
are nowhere near street drugs in their potency, but I can
honestly say I understand how drug addicts feel when they
don't get their fix. I was panicky and jumping for the
first time in months, I had a splitting headache,
dizziness, nausea, a temper, I was border-line suicidal
(at the thought of not getting my pills and having to live
like this for weeks until I got over it). Part of me
desperately wants to get off this medication, but another
small part of me knows that I probably wouldn't be as
happy as I have been without it. Yesterday, I noticed that
I was more irrationally panicked and worried than I have
been in awhile (driving in Seattle traffic, worrying about
someone side swiping me). The feeling sucks. Being scared,
sad, indecisive. I don't enjoy that at all. I'll just take
my meds and worry about liberating myself from drugs
later. The holidays are the #1 suicide-causing time of
year. So, I probably shouldn't risk it now. I'm a junky. I
accept that.

Snookums, Kiki and I went to Bangor today to look at the
new single family homes they're building and to pick up
the necessary applications from the housing office.
Snookums agreed to go into housing only if he can have one
of those new houses. I've heard the list is 6 months long,
but I don't know what the eligibility is for those homes
(rank, rate, duty station?) so, we'll see.

Sue is here. She managed to get here without much incident
and things are going well. No tense moments. No stupid
comments. She hasn't pissed me off yet. I hope this trend
continues. I think I'll go lay down now. I'm feeling
sleepy and I'll be very busy tomorrow, so I'd better get
my rest in! Ciao.




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