Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-11-22 06:23:45 (UTC)

10 Things I Learned Today...

***** How could it not be a good day? Snookums is home!

1) The cat's cold nose on your bare ass is a rude wake up
call.
2) Dr. Scholl's gel insoles don't make fuck-me boots the
least bit more comfortable.
3) There's no such thing as "no panty line" panties. No
panty line means NO PANTIES.
4) Raincoat is a euphemism for condom.
5) People in Seattle must drive with their toes while
their head is stuck up their ass.
6) I should probably use my vagina once in awhile, or it
WILL atrophy. Okay, it did atrophy. OUCH my hoo-hoo hurts!
7) Cashews are full of fat. I should eat them in
moderation or risk intestinal fall-out. Again. It wasn't
pretty.
8) Palmer's Cocoa Butter Body Oil makes great lube, and it
smells nice, too.
9) Sitting on a heating pad helps sooth aching hoo-hoo's.
10)Don't bend over in shorty-shorts. You might get fucked.
If you must bend over, bend at the knees.

I learned other things today, but I can't remember them.
Whoever said you learn something new everyday was right.
Although, I have had days where I didn't learn anything,
in fact, I've even forgotten a few things. Maybe this is
just me.

Guess who I ran into today? You'll never guess...TJ, the
creepy guy in the woods. No, I wasn't in the woods. I was
actually at the mini mart in Jackson park (getting the
cashews that nearly killed me). He was pumping gas when I
pulled up. I pretended like I didn't see him, but of
course he came in and found me. We chatted for awhile.
Nothing inappropriate, but that was probably because we
were in a highly visible public place. He'd put on some
weight and looked a little older (still attractive,
though. If you like older men. And I do). It's amazing how
a few months can change a person. I haven't seen him since
June now that I think about it, so it's been longer than
just a few months. NASCAR hasn't been very kind to him.
I'm so glad I put that chapter behind me. Could you
imagine how screwed up my life would be right now had I
caved in and started an affair with him?

Traffic getting to and from SeaTac today was great.
Snookums flight was delayed two hours, then another 45
minutes, so even though I'd only given myself 45 minutes
to get there (it's an hour and a half drive, usually), it
ended up working out perfectly and I met him at baggage
claim right as the carousel started going. He was
surprised to see me, which was the intent. I'm so happy to
have him home.

Sex sucks sometimes. At first, it was the most amazing
feeling EVER. Like taking a long, cold drink after being
in the heat or putting Victoria's Secret minty lip shine
on chapped lips. It was shockingly good. Then, around hour
two, it just started to hurt. My crotch burns like I sat
on a porcupine and rotated. Sandpaper on fire couldn't
have done more damage. How am I going to adjust to sex
when Snookums gets home from WestPac? If my vagina goes 7
months with no action, it's going to close up like a
piercing without jewelry in it! Suggestions to help deal
with this are welcome. Masterbation isn't an option. I
don't enjoy doing it. It's kind of like tickling yourself.
Or startling yourself. It isn't easy, unless your a man,
stupid or have a short attention span. Or you like to
masterbate. I don't.

Snookums is making me go to bed now. This is the one thing
I don't miss when he's gone. I can stay up as late as I
want when he's gone. If he had his way I'd go to bed at
4pm when the sun goes down. I love him, though. Even if he
does need more sleep than the baby. Ciao!




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