Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-11-11 07:07:50 (UTC)

Lackadaisical

****

"Longing for eternity exists because we cherish ourselves,
provided our daily life is happy. But if it is miserable,
then you want to shorten life."

That is so true. When I was still in my mother's house
(wondering how much longer I'd have to go through what I
was going through) and then subsequently, trying to deal
with the damage done, I constantly thought about suicide.
Life was too hard, long and miserable to keep living and I
was not at all afraid of the prospect of death. Now that
life is infinitely happier for me, I'm not so interested
in death. I'm not afraid of dying. I realize I can't stop
it should it decide to happen, but I'm not looking for it,
either! I'm at a good place in my personal growth and I'd
like to get further into it.

I had a lackadaisical kind of day (that would be a fancy
way of saying lazy, but doesn't it just sound better)?
Nothing much happened. I stayed in bed through most of it.
While Kiki played with my face, slept in my lap and ate
chocolate graham crackers and Annie rotted her brain while
watching a 30 hour SpongeBob marathon (hell, they don't
happen everyday, I couldn't say no). Needless to say, she
didn't chat much today. I think Snookums called me about
1,200 times, which as much as I love talking to him, is
seriously starting to annoy me. It isn't that I don't love
him, we really don't have much to talk about, now that we
talk every 5 seconds and he seems to call at the most
inopportune moment (like while handling a Kiki meltdown or
rinsing shampoo from Annie's thick hair as she screams
about soap in her eyes). Even with the extra $1,100 the
Navy gave him for not being on the ship (why would they
pay him for something he wishes for everyday?) I still
will be glad when his ass is back on the tin can so he'll
stop calling me to tell me about his last shower or to
initiate phone sex. I'm anti-masterbation when I'm alone
(traumatization as a child), so why would I do it over the
phone?

Anyhow, tomorrow the girls and I are getting out of the
house, because if we don't, by Sunday I'll be ready to
kill them. Long weekends must be broken up by a car trip
of some kind. Even if it's only to the Marina Mart for a
pack of lifesavers and a king-sized Milky Way (the
lifesavers would be for me, of course). I think I'll drop
into VS to get my free bra (the latest Angels addition)
and my paycheck. I still can't believe I get $50 bras for
NOTHING. I love this job.

Well, I made myself a big plate of fried okra (I'm getting
in touch with my black southern roots, I guess) and I
think I'll go watch all the things I don't eat on Food
Network. That should be a good end to a good day. Ciao.




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