Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-10-16 04:14:12 (UTC)

The Hunger

****

"When one meditates on mindfulness of the body, reflecting
upon the manner in which the body comes into being, and
examining the causal conditon, then one will also see the
impurities of the body. Then from that perspective, one
will find that even those who seem successful in worldly
terms are not really objects worthy of envy; they are
still within the bondage of suffering and dissatisfaction.

The greater the success one enjoys in worldly terms, the
more complex the psychological make-up seems to be,
because there is much more complex nexus of hopes and
fears, apprehensions and inhibitions."

This morning started out early, but went off really well.
I was able to get up without much trouble (even though I
only managed about 4 hours of sleep last night. I ended up
having to put myself to Beethoven because I couldn't fall
asleep otherwise) and I got myself fully dressed before
Annie and Kiki woke up around 6:15am. Earlier than they
usually get up, but I was making noise, so they decided to
rise and shine. We got out the house relatively on time
and got to Gen's with enough time for me to stop off at
Starbucks to get a venti pumpkin spice soy latte. 5:30am
wake-up calls aren't my cup of tea any day!

The meeting was not really a meeting, it was more of a
tutorial on the new bras and beauty products coming out
this season. We had to fill out product information and
our opinion on the gratis we got last week (that would be
the free bra) and then test the new Heavenly fragrance line
(Desire). It was fun. We even did role play activities. My
group had to pretend we were putting on a commercial for
the new additions to the pink collection. It was
interesting to say the least. I even got my first
paycheck! It was only for 2 days, but hey, I wasn't
expecting it. I still can't believe they're paying me for
this!

Church was tough to get through. Not because of the
message (I'm WAY over feeling guilty about not feeling
anything towards God), but because I did get so little
sleep. I don't know why I didn't fall right to sleep last
night. I think I was just wound up about going to work
(the meeting), church (having to sit through it) and
Snookums coming home (on Tuesday). So, any way. Church
wasn't too bad. It's just not for me, but like I said
before, Crossroads is the least judgemental church I've
visited. Annie wants to go to Sunday school, so we're
having a bit of a tug-of-war in that regard, because I
want her to be able to go if that's what she believes in,
but I don't feel I should have to be subjected to it if it
isn't for me. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I'm
still not entirely sure what I'm going to do about it.

After church, we all went to Shari's for brunch. I had the
veggie omelet (minus the eggs and cheese!) with toast and
hashbrowns. It was actually a really hearty and comforting
breakfast. Since I've gone vegan I haven't felt the urge
to starve myself. I'm still calorie consious (but its a
good idea to do that, anyway). I'm just always comforted
in knowing that whatever I put in my body, by virtue of
being vegan, it isn't going to be bad for me. You can't
binge on vegetables (well, you could, but how bad would
that be? Other than a hellacious bout of GAS)!

Speaking of vegan, I finally heard back from the uptight
psycho-vegans on Yahoo. I was pretty much told not to take
it personally that they disagree with everything my
husband stands for. I was told quote: "Don't take it
personally that we don't agree with your husbands chosen
profession or ideology" unquote. How fucked up is that?
How is it any of their fucking business what my husband
does or how he thinks? I was there to meet other
vegetarians and vegans, not anti-military freaks! I don't
agree with the war anymore than anyone else does, neither
does Snookums, but he can't do anything about it. What is
he going to do? Make a conference call to Bush and tell
him to knock it off? Yeah, that ought to work. I'm like a
moth to a flame, I keep getting drawn back into logging on
just to see what they'll say next. But it makes me angry
everytime, so I'm seriously considering just taking myself
off the mailing list and finding some other group to join.
I like always having mail and something to read or comment
on, but it's like them against me and it really sucks.
What the hell does being vegan have to do with the
military anyhow?

I took a really long nap with Kiki when we got home today,
so I know I'm going to have a hell of a time getting to
sleep. But man, that was a good nap! I'll probably end up
doing what I did last night. Popping in some Beethoven and
just drifting off into the music. I don't even remember
falling asleep once I did that. Tomorrow is the last
normal day before Snookums gets home and shoots my routine
out of the water. I've got the gym, work, then home. A
comfortably full day, but not too busy. Then on Tuesday, I
make the final preparations for Snookums' return. His ship
pulls in around 4ish. I still need to wash the car, pick
up his porn at Castles and get his welcome home present
ready to go (the jammies and Bath and Body Works stuff). I
love having projects to keep me busy!

I think I'll go find something to eat. I haven't eaten
since brunch and I can feel the hunger coming on. Ciao.




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