Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-09-14 04:01:08 (UTC)

A Bittersweet Sensation

****

"A real "Tibethood" was born from the difficult passage in
the long history of Tibet. Centuries and centuries ago
rootedness can make you forget that feeling. The bonds
with the earth seem secure, untouchable. Then something
unexpected happens that calls those bonds into question.
You discover a cynical brutality, the crushing use of
force, your own weakness.

Finally, you leave, you never see your country except from
far away. It gets ravaged, occupied, and still you realize
that it hasn't disappeared, that it subsists in you, that
you still feel Tibetan. Then you begin to wonder, what
does being Tibetan mean?"

I kept myself busy today. So busy, in fact that at 8:47pm,
it feels like midnight to me, I'm so tired. But, I'd
rather be tired than in a deep depression because my
beloved Snookums has left me behind, once again. It's a
bittersweet sensation. I feel good and sad at the same
time. I'm so complex...

I dropped him off a little before 7am this morning.
Traffic getting on base was backed up a good three miles,
but surprisingly the line went down pretty quickly.
Sometimes I forget there's something in the neighborhood
of 3000 sailors on that ship. You wouldn't think that many
people would fit on it, but it's pretty big in person.

Anyhow, I digress. After saying goodbye to Snookums on the
pier, I dropped the girls off at daycare and headed back
on base, to the gym. When I got there, it was a little
after 7:30am, and since Gen wasn't due to get there until
8:15ish, 8:30ish, I decided to run the track a little (on
top of my regular workout, of course). I ended up doing 6
laps (2 miles) and I felt pretty good while I was doing it
and once I finished. It was very cleansing. I felt like I
was getting rid of my sadness, running away from the
depression that always threatens to engulf me when the
ship first leaves. I haven't binged. I haven't slipped
into that depression. I'm proud of myself for that sign of
personal growth. I'm going to try my best to keep myself
in a positive frame of mind this entire underway period.
It will be a first for me. I'm even going to try to forego
the Saturday morning pity party.

Okay, that's all I've got to say. I'm sure no one is
interested in the minor, mundane details of my day, like
what I bought to eat or what I did to keep busy. It's all
inconsequential. Ciao until tomorrow.




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