Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-09-07 03:38:27 (UTC)

Enlightenment and The POW/MIA Fun-Run

*****

"Just like the earth, may I support beings as numerous as
the sky is vast. And as long as they have not attained
enlightenment, may I devote myself entirely to their
happiness."

That's a very lovely statement. Enlightenment is (from my
own limited understanding)the knowlege of everything
through personal experience. Understanding that nothing
happens or exists independantly. Everything is connected
and one thing inevitably leads to another. His Holiness
is willing to devote himself to the happiness of others
who haven't reached enlightenment, so that they can
understand at least a little of the happiness that he has
come to know. I hope someday I'm able to have enough of my
own happiness to spread some of it around to the people I
come in contact with. At this point, I'm not making enough
for myself. But, someday that will change!

Enlightenment sounds lovely, but Nirvana (the ending of
suffering in this life and other lives to come) sounds
even better. I think I've suffered enough for 12
lifetimes. Actually, my life isn't that bad. It could have
been worse. I tell myself this often, just to keep things
in perspective.

Today started out on a bad note, and threatened to be a
slow, sad, sluggish day. I didn't feel good when I woke
up. I was still tired. My abdomen was a little tender from
the doctor's pushing and proding (and from whatever is
going on in there). I really wanted to roll over and go
back to sleep. But, I couldn't. Annie needed to go to
school and I willed myself to want to go to the gym. There
was no good reason for today to be bad, so I sucked it up
and made it good! It worked too, because the rest of the
day was sunshine and rainbows!

My workout was great. The gym was a little crowded, but
nothing too bad. I managed to get all of my favorite
machines in the order I like them in. So, I didn't mind
the extra people. It keeps me entertained. I ran into
Amanda and Cassie there (Snookums division had PRT-
physical readiness training, so they were there to work
out). We chatted for awhile, about nothing in particular.
Guess what else I did at the gym??? I signed up for a
marathon!!! Okay, it isn't exactly a marathon. It's a
little 3K fun-run in honor of POW/MIA Remembrance Day. I
get a cool shirt for participating and I feel good about
signing up for something that other people are going to be
at (no more isolation)! It's on the 15th, next Friday.
Snookums leaves on the 13th, so it'll give me something to
look forward to, to help me not dwell on the fact that
he's leaving...again.

After we picked up the girls, we decided to do something
out of the norm. Instead of just coming home, eating
dinner and vegging out in front of the tv, we went for a
walk. We took the girls back to the Marina Park (on the
Port Orchard waterfront) and played in the late afternoon
sun. Annie rode her scooter there and back (something she
rarely gets to do) and Snookums and I sneaked in a little
extra exercise. It was a really wonderful escape from the
usual evening routine. I couldn't help but think to
myself, as I was pushing Annie on the merri-go-round, how
happy it was making me to be there, in that moment.
Nothing was bad. Everything felt good. It's probably the
closest I've ever come to enlightenment in my entire life
(which is sad, because I'm nowhere near it), but it was a
very warm feeling I hope I get to experience more often.
It's very empowering to realize that I created that
happiness for myself. Which is far more effective than
sitting around in a state of constant depression, waiting
for happiness to
find me.

I'd love to write more, but Annie brought home a stack of
paperwork for me to go through. It feels like when she
goes back to school, so do I! On that note, I'd better go
get my homework done! Ciao.




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