Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-09-01 02:50:26 (UTC)

Vegan?

*****

"A skilled physician ministers to his patients
individually, giving each the appropriate medicine
necessary to cure his particular disease. Furthermore, the
method and materials of treatment will vary according to
the particular combination of circumstances of time and
country. Yet all the widely differing medicines and
medical methods are similar in that each of them aims to
deliver the suffering patient from his sickness.

In the same way, all religious teachings and methods are
inteded to free living beings from misery and cause of
misery and to provide them with happiness and the cause of
happiness."

I can't help but feel a little bitter about it once in
awhile. I don't think about it often, but when I do, it's
totall bitterness. I'm talking about the lost baby.
There's a 17 year old girl that has a diary here also, who
has a baby just a little older than Kiki and found out
she's pregnant again. When I was struggling to explain my
symptoms, trying to convince myself and others that I was
pregnant, only to be proven right by a miscarriage, she
didn't even realize she was pregnant. She took a test
because her period was A DAY LATE and got a perfect
positive result the first time she tested. Now, she's
complaining about morning sickness and little bumps in her
tummy. It makes me sick. I know it's just me being a
bitter bitch and I have no right to feel this way towards
her. She doesn't know me and I don't know her. I just feel
gypped. That should be me feeling nauseated and bloated!
She's due a week after I would have been due. This will
take some time to get completely over, but I'll be fine.

Speaking of babies. Snookums and I had lunch together
today and came up with a final decision as far as what
I'll be doing for the foreseeable future. We're going to
pull Kiki out of daycare and I'll switch to a gym that has
childcare. I'm not looking forward to leaving my gym, but
the bright side of this arrangement is that I won't be
tormented by sailors all the time and the gym I have in
mind is right up the street from home. The only problem I
ever had with staying home was that I didn't have a chance
to do anything for myself. At least if I get to go to the
gym every morning, I won't feel so confined. Kiki has been
having a really hard time being left behind lately,
anyway. She screams and cries everytime I drop her off,
which makes it really hard for me to leave her for such
selfish reasons as working out or shopping. I feel better
about this decision than I do about the idea of working or
going back to school.

Farmer's called me today. They filled the position...and
not with me! You'd think I'd feel a little down about not
getting the job, but they called after Snookums and I came
to a conclusion about our family dynamic. So, I was glad
it fell through. Not to mention the thought of working
with three moldy-oldies (shriveled up, prunish remnants of
what used to be women), didn't appeal to me in the least.
I would have ended up quiting within a month anyhow. I
would have rather worked at McDonald's. At least it would
have been more fast-paced. Back in high school I worked at
Burger King. I was the only one that could do addition and
subtraction in my head (with any degree of accuracy, I
should say), so I got the honor of being in drive thru.
Wow, those were the days!

I had a donut disaster this morning. Because Annie was so
hyped-up about her first day of school and desperately
wanted to leave as soon as possible, I left the house
without eating my usual breakfast (again), so I stopped by
the mini-mart and bought donuts. Lots of donuts. For some
reason when I give myself license to eat something bad, I
can't eat just one or two of it. I must eat it all. So,
six old-fashioned cake donuts and one A&W cream soda later
(and 1,616 calories later) I was entering into a shame
spiral that could only be reversed by copious amounts of
physical penance...I pulled off my most AMAZING WORKOUT
ever! I burned 2,000 calories on the treadmill,
elliptical, rowing and stationary bike machines and
another 200 calories lifting weights and doing 200
weighted crunches. 2,200 calories. It probably isn't a
record, but it's my personal best. I feel so much better .
AND I've only eaten 470 calories since my workout!

I made a major personal/life-altering/monumental decision
while I toiled away on the elliptical this morning. I
decided to GO VEGAN! Becoming a vegetarian has done little
to curb my negative eating habits, since meat was never an
issue for me. My problem is mainly carbs. Carbs of the
sweet/sugary/frosted/or chocolate varieties. I love
sweets. The only way I'm going to be able to eliminate the
sweets from my diet (and thus, eliminate the cravings for
them) is if they are no longer within my dietary
limitations. Therefore, vegan is the only way to go. Even
chocolate fails the vegan test (milk). Donuts have diary
and eggs, so do cakes and other baked goods. Breads
generally do not, so they are still allowed, but only if
they contain whole grain. I'm excited about this!!! I'm
going to give the vegan thing a shot until my go veg
pledge is up on the 21st of September, then I'll make the
decision of whether or not vegan works for me. Not
counting the donuts, the rest of my day has been vegan and
it's been easy. If it doesn't work in the long-term,
though, I'll just stick to plain veg. I like being
vegetarian. I feel so much better for it.

I'm just feeling better over all. I think I wrote that
about one hundred times in this entry. I'm feeling really
good today, what can I say? I'll say Ciao and goodnight!




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