Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-07-26 04:28:37 (UTC)

Sleep. Dream. Escape

I feel so down. I can't put my finger on it, but SOMETHING
is really dragging down my entire being. I may start out
the day in a great mood, but like a steam engine, I start
out going strong, then I just run out of fuel. It's very
discouraging and makes getting out of bed hard, even on a
good day. I'm constantly wondering how long the high
feeling will last.

I went to the gym today, as I do every Monday-Friday, but
the pleasure wasn't there. I didn't feel connected to the
actions. I kinda went through the motions more than
anything. Why can't I even enjoy something I love so much?
I spent a few hours with Gen, which felt like agony (also
something I love to do). All I wanted was to crawl into
bed and sleep. Dream. Escape the day and try again
tomorrow. Thankfully, when I got home, Snookums was taking
a nap, so I was able to crawl in next to him and doze for
a couple of hours. It helped. I was able to get through
the rest of the day. The demanding part where I have to be
present and active as a wife and mother. The hard part is
doing it with authenticity and enthusiasm. Which, I was
able to fake after the much needed down time.

The bootcamp thing is not going so well. I'm having the
hardest time denying myself. I was able to pass up some
chocolate chip pecan cookies in Target, but ate about 10
peanut butter creme double stuft oreos. Which was worse?
I'm not sure, but neither was a good choice. I'm failing
miserable and it's only the second day. What's happening
to my resolve? I'll blame it on PMS until I think of a
better excuse. Ciao until tomorrow.




Ad: