Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-06-16 04:28:38 (UTC)

I'm Not A Dental Whore

I'm distracted. I'm not sure why, but my attention span
isn't at it's lengthiest. I think it's because my mind is
in bed. I'm so tired. The lack of sleep is really starting
to take it's toll on me. I'm really going to try to be in
bed by 11pm tonight. That may not sound like much
improvement, but when you're accustomed to going to bed at
2am, 11pm is down-right early.

My day was good. I hate to admit that I'm liking not
having to go to work, but hell. I DO. Is this going to be
the story of my life? Work six months, take six months
off? I'm going to have to get myself pulled together, so I
can start acting like a normal human being. Normal people
work jobs for YEARS, not MONTHS. Why do I have EADD?
(Employment Attention Deficit Disorder). My therapist says
I need to take time to work on myself (figure out what I
really want to do, get on the right meds and get rid of
the voices in my head-yes I have voices in my head.
Doesn't everyone?). Jumping from employer to employer is
career suicide and it won't make me happy. So, both my
husband and my therapist want me to remain unemployed for
the time being. I'm not complaining, but that may all
change in a matter of months. Remember how I felt in
December? Like a caged bird. But, at least I have the gym
and therapy to keep me entertained. Gen also helps (we've
been making an effort to keep connected). In fact, we
spent a little time at Starbucks today. I had the best
nonfat, sugar-free, hazelnut latte I might add. That
barista really knew what he was doing (are guy coffee
makers called baristas, too? Or are they baristos? I'm
such a retard).

I totally skipped over my therapy session. It went okay. I
wasn't entirely in the mood to talk, so a good portion of
the time was spent looking at each other. I think she was
waiting for me to say something, but I didn't have
anything to say. Honestly, now that I'm unemployed, a lot
of the stress I was under has gone away. I'm not worried
about Kiki getting sick and me missing work. I'm not
concerned with "am I learning things fast enough" or "does
Dr. Phillips like me". It's all a thing of the past.
Sherilan said that they may reinstate me in the fall when
business picks up again, but I'm not sure I'll want to.
Why would I want to go back to work for someone that let
me go once? I'd always be wondering if they'd do it again
when their payroll got too high. I'm not a dental whore
they can push around! I'm as good as fired in my eyes, no
matter how politically correct they tried to be about it.

I did make time to go to the gym after Starbucks. I was
almost on the verge of panic at the thought of missing a
gym session. But, I squeezed it in. Annie went on a field
trip with her class to the Seattle Children's Theatre and
her teacher called me to say that they'd missed the ferry
home and would have to drive around, so I got in an extra
30 minutes. I was pleased.

I really am exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm
really hoping that once I lay my head on my pillow, I'll
still feel the same way! Ciao until tomorrow.




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