Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-06-08 05:25:51 (UTC)

The Drugs Win

I'm not really in the mood to write, but I said I'd let
you know what the psychologist said. According to her I'm
suffering from:

*Severe depression (with symptoms of bi-polar disorder)
*Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
*Disordered Eating (that's a nice way of saying I have an
eating disorder)
*An exercise addiction (exercise creates "happy" hormones
and I'm addicted to them. I guess I found my drug of
choice.)

Keep in mind, my therapist is against medicating if at all
possible. She'd prefer more holistic approaches to mental
health at all costs. That's exactly what I was hoping for
when I agreed to follow her into her Asian inspired,
highly incensed, pseudo-tranquil office. She asked me a
litany of benign enough questions, looked at me and said
very matter of factly, "You need to be medicated". How
crazy do you think that made me feel? My zen-therapist
told me I have a hormonal imbalance and my brain isn't
making enough of something or another. Doesn't that suck?

So, under her instruction, I'm to make an appointment with
my primary care physician to have a mental health
assessment. Once that's done, and I'm being drugged
appropriately, I'll start a combination of relaxation
therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy and this should
fix my crazy ass. If you ask me, it sounds like I'm in for
a hell of a time.

Snookums is going absolutely crazy. He's the type of man
that needs to fix things. Right now, there's nothing he
can fix and that's killing him. He's thousands of miles
away and there's nothing he can do to help me. I almost
feel more sorry for him than I do myself.

Gen and I got together today. Thank God she was with me,
because I'm not sure if I could have handled being alone
after getting such a bombshell. I won't lie and say
anything the therapist told me was a huge surprise, but
it's still hard to hear that you aren't well.

I'm going to bed now. I hope I get some sleep. I need it.
Ciao.




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