Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-05-29 01:41:28 (UTC)

I'm My Own Shaman (Detox.Detox.Detox)

I'm being poisoned by fat! Indulging to excess is robbing
me of my feelings of health and well-being. I'm tired,
bloated, crampy and irritable. I can't think straight,
focus or function properly. My mental clarity has been
shot to the wind. The excess bloating is making me gassy,
uncomfortable and my pants aren't fitting right. I feel
like I need to brew up big jugs of green tea and just
detox. Detox. Detox. Detox.

I'm so torn right now. I don't want Snookums to leave,
because I love my husband and I want him to stay, but on
the other hand, I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK. I need to get
back the mental clarity that I've been in possession of
for the past 8 months. The clarity that's gotten me to
this point. I'm 76 pounds lighter with the help of no one
and nothing other than myself and my willpower. I can't
let go of that now. Snookums is going to be gone until mid-
July. So, right now my tentative goal is 135. That's about
10 pounds give or take. I'm not sure where I'm at now
after the past couple weeks of blasphemous eating I've
been doing. Ten pounds in 7 weeks is totally do-able. I've
burned 10 pounds in 2 weeks before, so I know I'm not
setting myself up for failure.

I'm getting excited just thinking about it! A goal! Yeah!
Who says I should wait until Tuesday (the day the ship
leaves) to start? I think I'll start tomorrow, or better
yet, right now. Snookums may want to go out for one last
meal, but I'm done indulging. Indulging loses it's luster
if you do it too much. I just want to get my healthy body
back. Minus the fat and junk I've been putting in it. He
could stand to find some motivation, too. He's got about
40 pounds he needs to lose (or he won't be within military
standards come re-enlistment time, but he's got 3 years to
procrastinate on that, I guess).

One of the great things I'm noticing about myself, is that
after only 2 weeks of bad eating behavior, I'm reining
myself back in. Where as before it was 2 years of bad
eating behavior (and 60 pounds gained) before I decided to
do something about it. Wow. Talk about personal growth.
I'm my own Shaman.

Sue goes home tomorrow morning. Thank goodness. She is
such an old fart. Snookums' dad and step-mother (Helena)
are young (in mind and body), healthy, active, well-
traveled (and wealthy). Sue is the complete polar
opposite. Old, overweight, sluggish, stuck in the 70's and
broke. I can definitely see why the marriage between his
parents didn't work. All of them are around the same age
(59), but Sue just acts way older. When I'm her age, I
hope and PRAY that I'm in better shape. I worry about
what's going to happen to her when she's too old to work
(or take care of herself). Because she isn't living with
us. I wouldn't take care of my own mother, let alone my
mother-in-law. Call me selfish if you must, but I'm as
serious as a heart attack.

I'm going now. My IBS isn't happy with me, I'm thinking
that jug of green tea isn't such a bad idea. Ciao.




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