Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Finding My Religion
I went to church today. Even though I'm hardly religious,
there was something very normalizing about the experience.
The very act of going to church felt balancing. Like, it's
something sane and (mentally) healthy people do. So,
therefore, I must be one of those sane and healthy people.
Okay, maybe not, but it's a lovely thought. I think I'm on
a quest. Finding my religion has become important to me
for unknown reasons. The bible study I told you about (for
women who have overcome abuse) ended up being REALLY
boring. Analyzing the intricacies of the conundrums that
are biblical prophecy is about as hard as understand the
sentance I just wrote. I've never appreciated the Bible
for it's readability (because it has none), so I don't
think bible study is for me. If I do go back, I think
it'll just be for the service. Probably the 9am one,
because I don't like how the later one cuts so much into
my day. It's best to get it over and done with first
thing. I probably sound like a major heathen right now,
and if I do, so what. It's because I am.
I did better foodwise, than I have been lately, but it was
still a far cry from a good day. Thankfully, I didn't OVER
eat, so I don't have to work off any binge food tomorrow.
I hate that going to the gym has become damage control
instead of helping me lose weight, but it is what it is.
I'll be doing double duty (two day's worth of workouts) to
make up for the days I can't go to the gym and to make up
for last week. I've decided that I absolutely CAN NOT
continue eating over my calorie requirements. I did it
three out of seven days last week. Next week must be
different. I already told Snookums that I probably won't
be any smaller when he gets home. He says he doesn't care,
but I do. All I've ever wanted was to be the beautiful,
thin wife I know he deserves. He'll be coming back to the
same thing he left behind. I had three weeks. Now I only
have one. There's no chance I'll lose five pounds now. I'm
such a failure...
I'm still waiting for my period. It's nine days late. I'm
still puffy, irritable, tender boobed and weepy. I
actually cried while watching Pretty Woman last night. So,
it MUST be on it's way (although the remote possibility
that little Allen #3 is on it's way, instead is still
floating around in the back of my head). If my period
isn't here by Wednesday, there's a chance it'll still be
on when Snookums gets home and we both really dislike
bloody sex. Oh well, there's always sex in the shower...
I'm going to bed now. I'll need my energy at the gym
tomorrow. Ciao.
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