Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Five Words
If I thought of five words to describe how I'm feeling
today, the first five that come to mind, would be:
*Lonely
*Discouraged
*Fragile
*Worthless
*Weak
Now let me delve deeper into these feelings. I feel:
Lonely- because my best friend (Snookums) is gone. I've
lost touch with the few friends I have. Work is work and
collegues don't necessarily make good friends (conflict of
interest).
Discouraged- because I'm the newest person at work and
even after an extensive technical education in all things
dental, I'm still not up to par with the other assistants
and I feel like I'm just not catching on to the details
involved in ALL the complicated procedures I need to
learn. It's daunting and I'm not getting much help. I must
be a slow learner, although I've always thought of myself
as a quick learner.
Fragile- because about every 2.5 minutes, I want to break
into uncontrollable tears for no apparent reason. I
haven't yet today, but I still might.
Worthless- this is an extension of discouraged. I feel
worthless because I'm not as useful at work as I'd like to
be. There's still so much I don't know and no one has time
to teach me, so I remain ignorant.
Weak- because I can't function right without Snookums, I
don't even want to, I keep hijacking my own happiness and
replacing it with melancholia and I don't feel like
changing my habits, which is a sure sign of weakness. I
just want to crawl into bed and sleep. Which I will, as
soon as I get everything for work/school/daycare tomorrow.
Well, that exercise was very therapeutic. Maybe I'll get
in touch with my innermost feelings more often. I'm going
to do the same thing I did last night. I didn't feel like
going to dance tonight, so I didn't. Amanda wasn't coming
anyway, because she forgot, so I'm going to go to bed by
8:30pm, I slept better last night. I hope I do so again
tonight. Ciao.
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