Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-03-11 04:50:47 (UTC)

I Deserve......Everything

I'm procrastinating. I've got a list a mile long of things
I want to get done this weekend and I'd had every
intention of starting them tonight, but I just can't seem
to get my butt in gear. I've got the girls' down for the
night. The house to myself, but I just can't get myself
motivated. So often when Snookums leaves I have to
struggle with the feelings of "why?". Why clean? Why dress
up? Why bother? The girls' don't care and no one else is
ever here. So, why? I have to remind myself that it's
worth it to do it for me. I deserve a clean house, to look
nice. I deserve to treat myself right. I deserve to be
happy. I deserve......everything. If only I'd learn to
love myself more. But, this is a hard concept for me to
grasp at times.

Today I got some new things for the house. I went to
Target, which is a place I hardly ever shop at, but I
think I'll start going there more often. I got the cutest
track suit (not for the house, but I liked it). It's
chocolate brown and cut very flatteringly. I tried on a
large and came to the realization that I truely am a
medium now. No longer do I fit into an x-large just
barely, covered in vaseline. I'm truely a medium! That was
a nice feeling. For the house I bought a new laundry
basket, a matching mop and bucket and some straws (because
I'll only drink from a straw). I wanted to get new
houseplants, too, but they don't carry them anymore. So, I
stopped at the Home Depot. Which was a FABULOUS idea,
because they'd just gotten in their shipment of
houseplants and I got all sorts of interesting looking
foliage and flowers. FLOWERS! Ones with roots that will
live longer than a week. I'm still going to get a bouquet
for the bedroom every week, but I love having all the
color splashed around the house.

I was very driven at the gym today. When I got there I
wasn't in the frame of mind to workout and I almost quite
30 minutes in, but I bit the bullet and sweated it out
another 45 and did 15 in the sauna, so I feel really good
right now. Treadmill (ran 3 miles in 30 minutes!),
elliptical and the usual stretches. When I don't feel like
working out, I try to remember my conviction and that
usually helps. I want to reach 130 so bad, I can taste it!

I really need to get my butt off this computer and start
on my list. I don't expect to get much done with it being
almost 9pm already, but I'll get something done! Ciao.




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