Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-02-26 05:36:30 (UTC)

Mental Regurgitations and A Love For Forrest Gump

*WARNING: THIS IS A L-O-N-G ENTRY. GO TO THE BATHROOM,GET
A DRINK, SOMETHING TO EAT, YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE AWHILE!*

Today was such a BORING day. Snookums has duty, so I was
alone with the girls'. They make good company, but neither
one is much into conversation. Unless you want to talk
about Disney Princesses or understand baby babble. Neither
of which I specialize in.

Because I had so much time on my hands I did manage to
wash and put away 6 loads of laundry, take a nap (when the
girls' did, of course. I don't want anonymous mommy to
think I abandoned my children) and I had copious amounts
of time to think. Something I try to avoid doing too
often, because demons have a chance to emerge if I think
too much. Luckily, nothing too damaging came to mind, but
I kept track of some of the mental regurgitations I had
today just so I could share them with you. Don't you feel
special? :) I wrote them down and I'll share them in the
order in which they came to mind (don't worry, there's
only 7 of them).

1) I reached 155 pounds today! I'm so pleased with my
progress over the past 6 months. Finally, I set out to
accomplish something and I didn't give up prematurely. I
haven't reached the finish line yet, but I know I will. It
isn't uncommon for me to mention my current weight, but
today when I stepped on the scale it really hit me just
how much progress I've made. I'm still grappling with
anorexic tendancies (I've eaten less than 800 calories a
day, 22 days out of this month. Only 733 today) and I
still see a fat person when I look in the mirror, but I
know that 155 isn't a fat person. Officially, I'm
considered a healthy weight, no longer overweight and
certainly not obese, but I'm not 130 and that's my
ultimate goal. Only 25 pounds to go!!!

2) Proactiv really works! Have you heard of it? It's a
skin care system that helps clear up acne. I don't have
bad skin, but I do have hormonal breakouts. It's a vicious
cycle. My skin is clear for 2 weeks. Then my period causes
a few obvious blemishes that leave little brown spots on
my face. By the time the marks go away and my skin is
perfect again, my period starts and the whole vicious
cycle starts anew. Well, Snookums ordered Proactiv for me
from the infomercial (probably because he was sick of me
complaining) and IT WORKS! My skin is actually clear and
smooth, just like Vanessa Williams said it would be. I
just realized it was working this morning.

3) I had one not-so-happy thought today. I thought about
my aunt. Why doesn't she want to be in my life? Why
doesn't she want to be a part of my childrens' lives? Why
does she have to run from everything? Why can't she just
call me and we can talk about it? I didn't let this
thought last too long, so I'm not going to think about it
too long here, either :(

4) I have geriatric houseplants. Most of them are around 3
years old. They are either overgrown or half dead. I'm not
sure what I should do with them. Do I throw them out and
buy new ones? Or do I just forget about houseplants all
together, since most of the time I forget to water them
anyway? I don't know, maybe I'll get cactus. I've got one
that's doing really well. I love tropical foliage, though.
Maybe I'll buy new plants and make an attempt at taking
better care of them. We'll see.

5) Is it possible to look better older than you did when
you were younger? I walked passed a portrait of Snookums
and I that we had taken when I was 21 and he was 27. I
think both of us look better older. My face was chubby, I
was too tanned and I don't like the eyeshadow I was
wearing. Snookums was much chubbier and I don't like the
way his hair was cut (buzz-cut, like he'd just gotten out
of bootcamp). We both look so much better now. I'm about
15 pounds lighter, my face is more mature (no more baby
fat), I look more sophisticated and natural, Snookums is a
good 30 pounds lighter and he doesn't resemble a skinhead.
We just look way better than we did 3 years ago. 6 months
ago, I looked at that portrait with such longing. I wanted
so much to go back to looking like that, but now I look
BETTER and it's such a wonderful feeling!

6) My butt is bruised :( Last night, Snookums was
demonstrating signs of extreme horniness and wanted to
have sex in the kitchen. Which isn't out of the ordinary
for him, but for some reason, he was much rougher than
usual. He started out just bending me over the counter
with my foot up on the stove, but then he startled me when
he grabbed me by the waist and sat me on the counter kind
of hard. He started thrusting in and out so vigorously
that my butt was being slammed into the edge of the
counter (which is a sharp 90 degree angle, not smooth and
rounded) so, this morning I woke up with a bruised butt,
sore ab muscles and a raw pu**y. But sex isn't good unless
you can feel it the next day :) Battle scars are good, too!
Hickies, scratches, bumps, bruises, blood. It's all good!

7) The realization just hit me all of a sudden (well,
while I was folding her laundry actually). Kiki turned 10
months old today. It seems like just yesterday I was
couped up in Naval Hospital, finger feeding her breastmilk
through a tube and watching nurses administer dose after
dose of antibiotics. Now she's a big, healthy 30 pound
girl. Crawling and getting into everything. It's amazing
how time flies. She was only 3 months old when I started
this diary. It amazes me how quickly babies grow up to be
children. Annie is almost 7 years old and I can still
vividly remember her being Kiki's age. Snookums and I are
going to have one more in 4 years. I'm going to relish
those last baby years, because after "Jackson" (what we'd
name our son, if we ever have one. We'd better pick a
girl's name, too) we aren't going to have anymore. I'm
having my tubes tied.

Well, that's all the mental regurgitations I felt were
worth enough for my diary. I'm going to go now, because
Forrest Gump is on ABC and that's my all time FAVORITE
movie. I remember, it came out on VHS when I was 13, my
parents bought it and I wore out the tape. I've always
loved Forrest and if I were Jenny, I would have married
him the first time he asked. I hate to admit it, but I
think I subconsciously married Snookums because he reminds
me of Forrest Gump. I love him, but Snookums isn't the
sharpest crayon in the box and he lets me be in control
because he doesn't think he's smart (even though I tell
him he is) a person knows what they are, I guess. He
trusts me not to hurt him or take advantage of him and his
vulnerability makes him so much more endearing to me. He's
my Forrest Gump. Bring on the negative feedback, it is
what it is. I'm smart, he isn't and I love him for it.
Now, I'm going to watch the rest of Forrest Gump, Ciao!




Ad: