Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2006-01-08 21:27:53 (UTC)

Paralyzed

I can name at least 10 things I SHOULD be doing, but I can
only name 1 that I WANT to do.

The SHOULD DO'S:
~Iron my suit for the interview tomorrow
~Polish up my resume
~Write a cover letter
~Manicure my nails
~Take a shower/shave/wash my hair
~Throw in a load of laundry
~Put away the baby's laundry
~Pack Kiki's diaper bag for tomorrow
~Pack my gym bag
~Do the dishes
etc, etc.

The WANT TO DO:
~Crawl back into my warm, secure cocoon of a bed and
sleep/watch tv/read the rest of the day away.

I know why I feel this way and it makes me angry. I'm
shutting down because I'm scared something is going to be
expected of me. I'll be forced to be competent, present
and focused, when lately I've been allowed to be flighty,
preoccupied and self-serving. Who am I kidding? I haven't
cracked open a dental assisting book or used a relevant
skill in almost 9 months. I can't remember my tooth
numbering or half of the instruments if I tried. I'm
mortified that I'll be asked to take some sort of pop-quiz
on the layout of an amalgam restoration procedural tray
and the importance of proper sterilization. I know I'd get
some of it right, because it was drilled into my head, but
I know I'm not up to the caliber of perfection that I use
to hold myself up to. I suck. If this practice is as fast-
paced and cutting edge as graduate services made it out to
be, I'm screwed. I maybe able to bullshit my way through
the interview and get the spot, but will I be able to
brush up on the necessary skills fast enough to avoid
embarrassment? I don't know. Voicing my fears here seems
to have helped. I don't feel nearly as paralyzed. Now,
maybe I'll be able to get out of my pajamas (at 1:30 in
the afternoon) and get some of these things on my list
done. Ciao.




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