Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-12-13 05:28:34 (UTC)

Depression, A Trigger Word

Either a lot of people I don't know about read my diary,
or depression is a trigger word that get's everyone's
attention. I got 6, yes I said 6 messages pertaining to my
last entry on my depression. In order, this is the gist of
what they said:
1) Support from a friend (thank you ST)
2) You're not just depressed, you're probably bipolar
3) You need to find Jesus
4) I understand how you feel, I hear voices
5) Get over it, your life is great
6) Artificial happy pills (drugs) are not the answer!!

Just some of the ups and downs of a public diary, I guess.
Even though some of the feedback was a bit on the deranged
side, it was amusing to read them and it did brighten my
mood a little. Keep sending it, guys! It gives me
something to chuckle about when I'd rather overdose on
Robitussin and sleep my troubles away.

I watched the Stennis pull out of port from my living room
window this afternoon. At noon, I heard a tug boat blow
it's horn and I remembered that Snookums said they'd be
pulling out at 11:30am. When I got to the window, the
Stennis was in the process of backing out of it's
berthing. I went outside and took a picture for Snookums'
dad (he's so proud of his son and loves everything to do
with his military career). I stood outside in the cold and
drizzle for an hour, watching the ship slowly get escorted
out of port by the Coast Guard. There were sailors lined
up along the edge of the flightdeck and I pretended one of
them was Snookums waving goodbye. I watched until the last
little bit of the tallest antenna dipped below the
roofline of the condo's next to me. Then he was gone and I
went back inside. I didn't cry and I went on with the rest
of my day. I'm doing okay. It's almost easier knowing he
isn't across the water. Something about him being so
close, yet so far away was harder to deal with, than
knowing he isn't there, he's out in the ocean. I can deal
with this. I'm fine.

I'm going to go for now. I lit the cafe latte candles in
my bedroom and I'm going to go nestle down into the clean
sheets (even if they aren't my favorite sheets) and nurse
my broken spirit. I'll probably cry some more, but that
isn't much of a surprise. Ciao.




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