Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-12-05 20:31:22 (UTC)

The Life He's Left Behind

Snookums left this morning at 5am and took my happiness
with him. I understand why he has to go, I can live
without him (I won't die). But if I wanted to live without
him, I wouldn't have married him. I constantly remind
myself that I knew what I was getting myself into when I
agreed to marry Snookums, but it doesn't make coping any
easier. There's the life he's left behind here at home and
the life he has at work and they just don't mesh well.

I didn't fall asleep after he left this morning. He came
into our dark bedroom, gave me a hug and a kiss and told
me he was going to miss me. I laid in bed for another hour
before Annie got up and just stared at the streetlight lit
walls. Even though I was awake, I couldn't get myself
moving to start the day. Annie missed the school bus at
daycare, so I had to drive her to school. I went through
the motions because I had to, but I wasn't really present.

After dropping Annie off, I just drove. I got back on the
freeway and just drove. I ended up in Poulsbo, because if
I didn't get off the freeway there, I'd have ended up in
Port Angeles or Forks or at the ocean with no reason for
being there. I stopped at Central Market and got myself
some organic fruit leather and a bottle of Fiji water and
gathered my thoughts. I made a tentative plan for the rest
of my day and it goes something like this:

*Check out new store in Silverdale (Tuesday Morning)
*Get new ID card
*Go home, have lunch, watch Starting Over, Feed baby
*Put gas in car
*Check out store I haven't been to in Port Orchard
(Fashion Bug)
*Drown my sorrows in retail therapy at Wal-mart
*Deposit some checks at the bank
*Pick Annie up from school
*Find something bad for me to eat to make myself feel
better
*Try to go to bed

So far I've done the first 2. Tuesday Morning is crap.
It's worse than TJ Maxx and Ross and only slightly better
than Goodwill (and only because their stuff is new). It's
a close-out type store, but the prices aren't good enough
to make me overlook the fact that I was shopping in a
warehouse. I didn't see anything I wanted.

I went back to PSD and I STILL couldn't get my ID card.
This time, because Snookums re-enlistment paperwork hasn't
been put into the computer yet, so I can't get a new card
until it is. I don't even care right now. I left Snookie a
voicemail telling him the dilemma, but other than that,
I'm not concerned with it.

I'm going to have my lunch now, feed the baby and do all
of the other things on my list. I might omit the "find
something bad for me to eat to make myself feel better"
task, mainly because I don't feel much like eating. I'm
having lunch because I have to, not because I want to.
Ciao.




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