Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-11-24 20:39:21 (UTC)

Pride and Prejudice and Thanksgiving

I didn't get to write yesterday, because I was just too
busy. Sue and I went last-minute grocery shopping for
Thanksgiving stuff, we went out to a rather long lunch (we
had some issues to hash over) and we got the girls' flu
shots. Kiki had to get her's in 2 doses, so she got the
second yesterday and Annie got a shot at the same time.
Kiki screamed bloody murder, but Annie took it like a
champ. I was so proud of her. The last time she got shots,
Snookums had to physically restrain her, so I was a little
concerned. I was honest with her about the way it would
feel and what she could expect, so it went off without a
hitch.

Lunch with Sue was probably the most candid conversation
we've ever had since I've been married to her son, it
still wasn't much to speak of as far as candid goes. She
is a hopeless optimist. Nothing bad ever happens in her
little world and I found myself being open, frank and
somewhat brash about my rape and my childhood and all the
ugly things that have happened to me almost in an attempt
to get her to FEEL something. Anything. She's like an
android (or the red-headed desperate housewife, whatever
her name is) she doesn't feel negative emotions, only
happy thoughts and pretty pictures. It gets old. Even an
in-depth description of my abuse wasn't enough to get the
remotest sentiment out of her. Basically I
got, "Everything happens for a reason". How insufficient
of a response is that? Snookums has all but given up on
having a meaninful, open relationship with his mother
(Helena is a totally different person all together and
serves as mother to both of us). That's enough on that
topic. I feel like she's constantly looking over my
shoulder and I'd hate to hurt her feelings....If that's
even possible.

Last night, Gen and I went to see Pride and Prejudice. It
was nice getting out on my own, without family, husband or
children. Gen and I are dating more than we date our
husbands! Mainly because her husband isn't home (deployed)
and someone has to stay home with my children in order for
me to get out. Therefore, no dates with the husbands. We
did have that date in Oregon, which I will hold onto as a
fond and loving memory for all time (it may not happen
again for that long!) Anyway, about the movie.... It was
an absolute compliment to the book. I've read all of Jane
Austen's books and Pride and Prejudice was my favorite.
The movie didn't take too many artistic licenses or stray
away from the feeling of the book. It was great. I
couldn't help but see so many similarities between my
Snookums and Mr. Darcy. Aside from being filthy rich and
well-spoken, they had everything in common as far as being
anti-social, brooding, dark and mysterious at times and
nervous around women. They even have the same dark hair
and blue eyes, although they didn't look anything alike. I
don't know what Jane Austen intended Mr. Darcy to look
like in the book (she just described him as having a
quizzical brow and being sour spirited) but the casting in
this movie was excellent. BRAVO. Gen and I want to see
Rent, too. I don't know when we'll get around to it, but
hopefully soon. Movies are cheap dates :) She bought my
ticket last night, so next time we go out, I'll have to
treat. God, it really does sound like we're dating. If I
was ever curious about my sexuality, this definitely shows
me that I'm a FLAMING heterosexual. I love men (well,
maybe just their groceries. The guy himself, I can take or
leave).

Did I mention that I hate the holidays? I hate being
cooped up in the house, forced to spend time with my
family. Nothing on tv, but the parade, the dog show and
football. Christmas is only marginally better because I
get presents, but sometimes if they suck, Christmas isn't
much better than Thanksgiving. These are mainly feelings I
harbor from my childhood. We never spend time at home.
We always drove huge distances to visit family I never
felt I fit in with and I'd have to pretend I liked. Now,
I'm having a hard time shaking those old feelings of
resentment for the holidays. I need to make my own
memories with my own family and make them happy, not sad.
I'm not a child being dragged somewhere against my will.
This will all take time, but I'll work on it for next
year.

This year Sue has brought a turkey and all the trimmings
with her, because if she hadn't, I certainly wouldn't have
done it. Did I already mention I hate the holidays? She
brought POWDERED mashed potatoes, which I think is
sacrilege and I refused to eat them, so Snookums somehow
managed to kindly state that we weren't going to eat them
for diet reasons. Instead, I'm making my mashed potatoes
that he likes so much. Baby red potatoes, skin on with a
cup of milk and a tablespoon of butter. They may be light,
but they beat powder any day. This small concession makes
me feel a little better. I hope she doesn't put giblets in
the gravy.

Well, I must get back to the task of family bonding. Fun.
Is it over yet? Ciao.




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