Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-11-20 01:49:29 (UTC)

Group Therapy Retreat

November 15, 2005

My relationship with Dan has always been a vaporous one.
Barely there at all. Not because of any misunderstandings
or misgivings, but because we simply never got a chance to
connect. In all actuality, we've only met in person 3
times. Right before the wedding, after Kiki was born and
yesterday. I feel like I know much about him, but I don't
know him. I know he's a noble man. Hard-working,
successful, ambitious and well-learned. I'm grateful for
the son he raised into yet another great man. Today,
however, I learned about the man behind the money. The man
behind the high-class, jet-setting life. The man with
something BIG to hide.

After last night's surprise arrival, Helena decided we
should spend the day having concentrated family time. Full-
on, 1 on 1 time between Dan and Snookie and later Dan and
I. I wasn't aware of this decision until we were getting
ready to head to Newport (another seaside town 45 minutes
south of Neskowin). I got put in the car with Dan-alone.
Snookie drove the Impala with Helena and the girls. It
seemed completely innocuous at the time, but little did I
know I'd get a glimpse into my father-in-law's soul.
Literally, an element of his very make-up. We had a long
talk. I was honored by his willingness to share his life
and childhood with me. Because I explicitly promised him I
wouldn't tell anyone (not even Snookums) what he told me.
I feel it wrong to mention his secret here, but let me
assure you. I feel intricately bonded to Dan in a most
fundemental way. We are survivors.

I feel so incredibly guilty for dreading this trip. I
expected 5 days of excrusiating bordom. Cooped up in a
bungalow on the beach with bad weather and nothing to do.
But I was all wrong. Not only have I grown closer to my
mother and father-in-law, by husband and my children, but
I'm reconnecting with myself. The self I lost almost 15
years ago. Not to mention the weather is amazing. Sunny
and warm. This vacation has turned into a group therapy
retreat. We'll all leave this place a little better than
we came. Unfortunatly, Dan leaves tomorrow morning (work
beckons). I wish there was more time to get to know him. I
owe him so much. He gave me Snookie.




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