Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-11-09 18:34:10 (UTC)

It Makes No Sense, None Whatsoever

This morning, around 5:45am (when Snookums and Annie left
for work/school) I eagerly jumped on my scale to see if
I'd lost anything....NOTHING, that's what I'd lost. I was
so upset and disappointed that I ate 1,200 calories worth
of chocolate chip cookies with milk for breakfast (don't
tell anyone) and went back to sleep. I just woke up (it's
10:30am now) and decided I'd weigh myslef just for the
hell of it, and now I'm exactly 176.0!!!! How on earth
does eating an assload of chocolate chip cookies and
sleeping on them help you lose a pound? It makes no sense,
none whatsoever, but I'm grateful for the miricle, because
I was highly unmotivated by seeing the same old number on
the scale.

Snookums told me last night that he thought I was eating
too little and working out too much. He's probably right.
After thinking about it for a moment, I realized that I've
been working off in exercise more calories than I've been
eating. I've been progressively eating less and less to
the point that now when I do eat, it makes me feel ill or
overly full on a small amount of food. I'm only taking in
at max. 1000 calories a day. Yesterday it was only 800
because I'd left 200 calories for dessert (banana cream
pie yogurt and a peach fruit cup, which was still only 160
calories total, so I wouldn't have made 1000 anyway) but,
after dinner I got involved with taking pictures of the
baby (who was being devastatingly cute with all her rolls
and dimples) and by the time I remembered dessert, it was
already 8:30pm. Long past my eating cut-off.

Let me just say, when I'm done with this bootcamp thing,
the first rule I'm ditching is the no food 3 hours before
bedtime thing. I get hungry those 3 hours before bed and I
don't sleep well when I'm hungry. I'm going back to having
SOMETHING before I go to sleep. Even if it's only a
lettuce leaf wrapped around a carrot stick.

What I really need to do, is stick to the plan I devised
when I started my weight loss journey. I need to stop all
of these speedy weight loss tactics and just work WITH my
body, not AGAINST it. My system is only rebelling and I'm
not taking heed of the message. I probably would have made
it to 175 today, if I hadn't fucked with my body and
pissed it off. No more marathon walking sessions, no more
near starvation (that's going to be hard to give up) okay,
at least 1000 calories, nothing less, maybe a little over
sometimes. I'll do better, I promise. Ciao, until later.




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