Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-11-02 03:01:33 (UTC)

Laxatives, Purging, Starvation and Exercise

Whoever thought giving children insane amounts of candy on
October 31st was a complete and total moron. I know, I
didn't feel this way when I was a child. I thought it was
the best holiday, a close second to Christmas. But, now as
an adult battling with weight issues, I HATE IT. I've been
a slave to the candy bowl all day. This morning I woke up
feeling incredibly weak. That candy had been on my mind
since last night, but I didn't want to be caught with my
hand in the candy bowl, so I refrained. But, I was alone
this morning, with no one to keep me in check. So, I
crumbled under the pressure and had about 1 million mini
snickers, reese's cups, hershey bars and butterfingers
(pretty much anything chocolate). I felt incredibly guilty
afterwards. I tried to think of ways to take it back or
make it right. Laxatives, purging, starvation for the rest
of the day, exercise to excess. All of which are tactics
I've avoided thus far, but I haven't had an extreme case
of overeating like this since I started bootcamp. I opted
for 4 Correctols (they're so tiny), starvation, and
exercise to excess as my plan of action. Purging is gross,
or I'd have done that, too.

I know. What I've done is wrong. It goes against
everything I'm trying to achieve (health and well-being),
but when the weight-loss monster takes control of your
brain like it has done to me at times, it doesn't let go
easily. Crazy things you wouldn't normally do, start to
make perfect sense. I haven't eaten a single thing since
the chocolate this morning and I just got back from a 6
mile walk/jog. I've burned over 1200 calories exercising
today. I think I've made up for the chocolate-binge this
morning and I'll go back to a healthy lifestyle tomorrow.
I promise. I've already put the candy bowl in the trunk of
the car, so I won't be left alone with it tomorrow.
Snookums thinks I'm crazy, but what other way is there for
me to remain in control? I don't want to become a bulimic
or a laxative junky (actually, a laxative junky is
bulimic. So, I guess I already am) because I can't stop
myself with safe, sane self-control methods. Long story
short, this isn't happening again.

Other than senseless amounts of exercise, my day was okay
for the most part. Nothing major happened worth writing
about, so I'll go for now. Ciao.




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