Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-10-24 04:26:00 (UTC)

182, Is That So Wrong?

After I got out of my hot shower this afternoon, I weighed
myself just for shits and giggles and was shocked to see
that I'd lost yet another pound since this morning! I'm
182 now! I'm stunned. I didn't realize that I'd been doing
so well. I have stepped up my exercise again. I'm back to
doing step and pilates daily and walks when weather
permits (can't take Kiki out in the rain). I've come to
accept that my body goes through phases. I lose 10 pounds,
take a week off, lose 10 more. It was frustrating at
first, but now that I understand how my body works, I'll
accept it and work with my body, not against it. It knows
what it's doing.

I had a great day, overall. I didn't read my book like I
thought I would. I'm not completely sure where the day
went. It feels like I woke up, went for a walk, took a
shower, made dinner (grilled steak, baked baby red
potatoes, and steamed golden nugget squash, yum), did my
pilates and exercise ball workouts and now I'm writing.
I'm sure there was more to my day than that, but that's
the abridged version and it wasn't all that interesting of
a day, anyway. I'm feeling lean, long and strong and so
pleased with myself.

Part of me hates that I'm happiest when I'm doing well
with my weight loss. But, the other part of me doesn't
really care and hates putting so much emphasis on what
should and shouldn't make me happy. So what if losing
weight makes me happy? At least it's not as harmful as
looking for love at the bottom of the ice cream container.
I think I'm so cautious about my feelings, because
whenever I express an emotion that would seem to be
superficial or trifling, I get loads of feedback on how I
SHOULDN'T feel that way. I know people only mean to say
that I'm OKAY the way I am and I don't need to lose
weight, but they don't understand that losing weight is
something I've decided I HAVE to do for my overall health
and longevity, not because I want to be the next top model
and tear up the catwalk. I just want to look, feel and be
totally healthy. As best as I can. Is that so wrong? Ciao
until next time, my friend.




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