Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-10-13 02:02:31 (UTC)

Licking My Illusory Wounds

I'm writing earlier tonight, because after I put Kiki to
bed, I'm retiring to my bedroom to cocoon myself under the
sheets and comfort myself with a hot cup of tea and some
evening television. Lost is on tonight. I hope it's good.
I can't explain it, but today I've felt very vulnerable.
Like something or someone is about to get me. I'm probably
just being paranoid. I simply don't feel well. At least,
not 100%. I don't feel depressed, I just feel a bit weak
and uneasy. Snookums thinks I'm pregnant (Oh, God NO!) I
think that's highly unlikely, but he likes to pride
himself on being able to impregnate me despite the barrier
of contraception. I haven't had any obvious symptoms (yet)
so I'm not worried about it. I'll start to worry if I
don't get a period this month and my lower abdomen starts
to hurt (it's a feeling that's hard to explain, but it's
the ligaments that hold your uterus in place stretching. I
felt it fairly strongly when I was about 6 weeks pregnant
with Kiki). I'm not worried about having another baby. I
just know that if I'm feeling isolated and tied down now,
how will I feel with 2 babies under 14 months old? I'll
deal with that if I have to.

I picked up Annie and Kiki's portraits today. They came
out so beautifully. I should have gotten more. Now I don't
want to send them to anyone! I'm not biased or anything,
but I have 2 very beautiful little girls. I did a little
more shopping today while I was out getting the pictures.
I bought a new flat iron (for my VERY curly hair) and some
styling products. The flat iron is suppose to be the
latest in technology with ions and ceramic plates and all
that crap, but in all honesty, it isn't much better than
my 5 year old Revlon wal-mart special flat iron. It does
heat up quicker and hotter, so I guess that's a step
forward. The products I got are thermal insulators to
protect my hair from the heat and also some
volumizing/anti-frizz mousse for when I want to wear my
hair natural. Snookums needs to come home (duty tonight,
then more long hours until God knows when) or I'll spend
him out of house and home :) Not really, I've got a handle
on our finances and we've still got a little over $2,000
in the checking account. So, no worries.

I'm going to have some mango sorbet before it gets too
late for me to eat. Then I'll implement my plan. Kiki will
get the 3 B's. Bath-Bottle-Bed. And I'll retreat into my
sanctuary and commence licking my illusory wounds. Ciao.




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