Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-09-27 03:09:16 (UTC)

Introspection

I had a good day. It was extremely uneventful, but good. I
sometimes wish I had more interesting things to write
about. Something substantial and important to say. I do,
but the things I have to say aren't important to anyone
but me. So, I keep them to myself most of the time.

I know people who spend so much of their time trying to
convince others that they are important, that they just
seem superficial. They do more for others, they care more,
they love more, they do everything more and better than
everyone else. It isn't true, but they'd like you to think
it is. At what point do you stop being a good person and
you start being a valuable member of society? What's the
difference? And who is the judge? I don't mean to be deep
or anything I was just wondering. I'd like to think that
I'm a good person who does good things for others, but
sometimes I don't feel purposeful enough. I've got 2
gorgeous babies and I'm taking this time in my life to
give to them as best I can. I should feel good about that,
but so many think that being a stay at home mom is a waste
of time. I don't agree. Let them try it and do it well,
then decide what they think of it. And me.

I've had an offer to be a mentor. To help other women who
have survived the horrors of incest. But I don't want to.
I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to be
a poster child. I don't want to own up to it every day. It
doesn't make me who I am. It doesn't define my life. It's
something unfortunate that happened in the past and that's
it. Does this make me a bad person? I think not. If you
got hit by a car, would you want to feel that pain day in
and day out, long after the physical wounds have healed?
No? Well, that's the best equivalent I can think of.
Reinjury of an old, yet slightly unhealed wound. At some
point in the future, maybe. But right now, the answer is
no.

I think that's enough introspection for one day. I'm in a
very happy place in my life. For the first time EVER. I
don't want to jeopardize that. Ciao.




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