Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-09-07 14:12:13 (UTC)

Complete 180 In The Right Direction

This morning is a better morning, than yesterday, thank
goodness. I'm down another pound. I'm 202 pounds now. I've
lost 3 pounds over the last week, which is exactly to be
expected, but I'm still grappling with the urge to lose
faster. Snookums thinks that I'm not eating enough and
exercising too much. I don't think I am. I'm eating the
amount of calories that fulfills my needs to produce milk
and perform metabolic functions (breathe, digest, think
all those things that keep you alive). I'm also
hypoglycemic, so I eat smaller, more frequent meals to
keep my blood sugar elevated. I've been close to fainting
a couple of times in the past, so I know how to regulate
my blood sugar. I'd know if I wasn't getting enough to
eat. He just worries about me. It's almost like me being
fat reinforces to him that he is a good provider. He is a
wonderful friend, lover and provider in every way. I hope
he hears me when I tell him that.

My blisters aren't as bad as they were yesterday, but they
are still painful. Walking at a normal pace is hard
enough. I don't even want to imagine the damage I'd do if
I tried to speed walk on them today. I guess I'm resigned
to another day of Pilates, before I get back into my
normal routine. I really do want them to heal completely,
so I don't risk re-injury. I was starting to get some
redness around the outside of the blisters, which I know
is the first signs of impending infection, so I've been
keeping them clean and covered to promote healing. That's
enough blister talk for one day, I think.

I want to commend myself on the restraint and self-control
I have been demonstrating in the face of temptation over
last couple of days. Yesterday it was ice cream. Last
night Snookums made a heaping bowl of buttery, salty
popcorn at 10pm and I didn't touch a single morsel of it.
It smelt heavenly and it was enough for me to enjoy the
aroma, because I've discovered that most of the time,
things smell a lot better than they taste. Sometimes the
taste isn't worth it's weight in calories. Part of my
change is getting real about food. Trying to use food as
sustenance, not comfort. It's hard, but I'm learning. I'm
looking forward to the day that I'm completely healthy.
Mentally, physically and emotionally and that vision of
the future keeps me going. Already, I'm getting more and
more comfortable in my skin. It helps that my clothes fit
so comfortably that I'm not constantly tugging my shirt
down to cover my belly, or pulling my pants up because
they are too tight and don't stay in place. I'm just more
content, not with were I'm at, but with were I'm going. My
life is making a complete 180 and finally heading in the
right direction.




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