Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Owning My Strength
Good morning. Yes, I said good morning. Everyday brings me
another opportunity to change my outlook on life and each
day my outlook is a little more positive. This morning,
when I got on the scale, it said 207. I am 11 pounds
lighter in a matter of days. I keep reminding myself that
rapid weight loss is just a temporary thrill and gradual
weight loss will take over soon, but who isn't stoked by
watching weight practically fall off? Losing weight was
never a problem for me, it always just melted off. It was
doing the right things (eating right, exercising) long
enough to achieve and maintain the results that was the
problem. I think I've found a way to maintain my success.
I've noticed a shift in the purpose of this diary. When I
started writing, a little more than a month ago, it was
basically the receptacale for my pain and anguish. I
needed to take it out of myself and put it somewhere safe.
A place where it couldn't come back to hurt me again. When
I write, I feel that the pain I convey is locked in the
medium (journal, computer screen, letter). I remove it
from myself. Now, I'm starting to feel like I've removed
all the pain I was carrying inside of myself and now the
purpose of this diary is to chronicle my success. My
triumph over the pain I've been a prisoner to for so long.
When I come to write I'm happy, not sad. I think what was
making me so unhappy and depressed was having to deal with
the mess behind the abuse by my step-father and having to
face it continueously for weeks and months at a time. By
the time I started journaling, it was almost over, but I'd
been reliving the molestation, manipulation and rape for
years beforehand. Now that I feel I'm free of that
constant reminder (court dates, interrogations by
attorneys, paperwork and telephone calls) I'm free to be
me. I get a year off before I have to deal with my step-
father again and hopefully by then my mental and spiritual
fortitude will be mighty and strong.
I am so grateful to be free of the dark cloud that rained
on my life for so long. I have come into the sun,
literally and figuratively. I'm a strong woman. I always
have been, even as a little girl. I just need to own that
and take control of it. My new mantra is : TAKE CONTROL OF
YOUR LIFE. I fully intend to do just that.
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