Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-28 04:10:36 (UTC)

Life Means Something Again

So, today didn't turn out like I expected it to, but in a
good way. I spent the day with Amanda, Cassie, Claudia and
Shauntey. The girls Snookums works with. I didn't want to
go, and through-out the day I thought about other things I
could be doing, but honestly I'm glad I went. I need to
get out of my box once in awhile and meeting new people,
and doing new things is just the way to do that. We ended
up going to the Tacoma Mall and then to dinner at TGI
Friday's. Two nights of eating out in a row. You'd think
that would be sabotage to my new lifestyle, but it wasn't.
They have a little Atkin's menu and I had the most awesome
sizzling chicken and broccoli. It was grilled chicken
breast on top of a bed of onion and bell pepper, smothered
with cheddar cheese and a side of steamed broccoli. You'd
never have thought it was good for you. It was delish.
Anyway, the Tacoma Mall is so big! I'm glad we went,
because I've often passed it on the highway going to
Seattle, but I've never been. It's got all of the stores
our mall has and then some. The next time I go shopping,
it's going to be there. I didn't shop today, because I
hadn't budgeted a trip to the mall, so I didn't want to
use our reserves or savings money to shop. That would be
irresponsible.

I took Annie and Kiki with me on our road trip to Tacoma.
Annie had a great time! Annie isn't like most children.
She's alot older than her years in mind and body. She
looks older than 6 and I have constant offers of modeling
contracts, but I don't think that getting her into
something as cut-throat as the modeling industry would be
good for her little psyche. I must have had 9 or 10 people
today tell me how beautiful she is. She is beautiful, I
must admit. I'm half African-American and her father was
just white, so she's got interesting features. She's got
straight, light brown hair with strawberry blonde streaks
that goes down to her bottom, green eyes with a hint of
gold around the pupil and an olive complexion. She looks
quite exotic and mature. Just the shape of her body is
mature, with a tiny waist and little hips. Shopping for
jeans for her is a nightmare. Needless to say, she reveled
in all the attention she was getting from people. Store
clerks, cashiers, other shoppers, the women we were with.
She doesn't really get out much, so she isn't totally use
to the compliments. I'm not use to them, either, because
we really only travel in a small circle, where people know
us already and have told her she's pretty already. I worry
that all the attention will go to her head. I've heard
beauty can be a curse, but I wouldn't know what that
problem is like. It's one I've never had.

Weight update: I know I need to stop this daily weight
thing, but this morning when I got up, I couldn't resist
the urge to see 213 again, so I hopped on the scale and to
my amazement...It was 211!! Thank God, I've found my
motivation. Losing weight has never really been hard for
me, it's finding the motivation to do what is necessary to
lose and keep off the weight. Eating right, getting
exercise, those things. Once I commit, the weight melts
off. Oprah's Bootcamp has helped me find my motivation. I
feel like if I don't do what the contract requires of me,
I'm only letting myself down. Not Oprah, not Snookums, me.
I'm the type of person that needs accountability and thats
what I get from the little piece of paper stuck to my
fridge with alphabet magnets. I put on a pair of jeans
today that I haven't been able to fit since before Kiki
was born (size 16). I'm within 10 pounds of my
prepregnancy weight. Then I can start working on my
already-fat-before-pregnancy weight. My ultimate goal is
150-155 pounds. 160 is the highest weight for my height
before I cross the line into overweight, so I want to be a
safe distance from the overweight line. I want to be here
for my girls when they are grown and with all the health
risks that run in my family (heart disease, diabetes,
stroke, high blood pressure, high cholestrol, obesity,
cancer of the breasts, cervix, colon and skin). I need to
do what is best for my body. If I'm not in good health,
I'm just asking to die and lately, I've actually wanted to
live. Wow, what a difference. Life means something again.




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