Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-26 16:26:57 (UTC)

A True Departure From The Norm

I'm not going to say last night was a breeze, but compared
to the hurricaine that was the night before, last night
was maybe just a little thunder storm. I had a mild urge
to have some rice cakes, but I resisted and instead,
retreated to my bedroom with the book I've been trying to
read for a year. I've read more of it in the past two days
than I have in the past 10 months. It feels good to get
back into something that always use to bring me such joy.
On my way to the bedroom I grabbed a tall glass of ice
water and a diet pepsi. I chugged the water, sipped the
pepsi and it was so satisfying. It took me 2 hours to
finish a soda that I use to decimate in less than 5
minutes before. That is a true departure from the norm for
me. I can see myself changing almost right before my eyes.
I couldn't resist getting on the scale this morning just
to see that 214 again, and to my surprise, now its 213!!
Who would have though I'd see results so quickly. I've
lost 50 pounds before in the past and I did it by
literally starving myself, and although it worked to drop
the weight quickly, it was hardly something I could
maintain. I had to eat sometime and when I did, the weight
came on again, and the fat brought some of it's friends,
so I ended up bigger than I was when I'd started. My new
lifestyle is completely maintainable. I could live like
this no problem. All I have to do is adjust. I'm not
denying myself anything, because other than chocolate,
there is no one food that I abuse more than another. I
don't crave pasta or bread, fats or sweets. I'm an
emotional eater, so once I get my emotions under control,
I'll be okay. I have avoided pasta, bread, sweets, fatty
foods and such, only because you don't get to eat that
much of them before the calories pile up. Last night I had
5 cups of steamed mixed vegetables and they were only 150
calories. By the time I got half way through the bowl I
was feeling stuffed. I'm finding that the exercise is
replacing the seratonin in my brain and I don't even want
the chocolate. Exercise is filling the void chocolate left
behind. The 3 days I can have a treat I'm going to save
for when we go to the Oregon coast this fall. The last 3
days of the bootcamp fall on the first 3 days of our
vacation. I'm glad it's at the end and not the beginning,
because by the end my resolve will be rock solid and I
will make good food choices without thinking (when I take
to something, I stick with it like glue). I'll save the 3
splurges the bootcamp allows for maybe a dessert or an
appetizer or some fudge from the Tillamook cheese factory
(they have the best fudge in the world). So, that is
something I'm looking forward to. I'll be thin on our
vacation (at least, thinner) and I'll get to surprise my
mother-in-law with my new look. She's never said anything
about my weight, but I'm sure she's noticed.

Well, I'd better go get my first workout done. It's
already after 9am and I need to do both workouts during
the day today, because I'm going out tonight. Yes, I said
it. I'm going to the movies with some of the girls
Snookums works with, they are also in the Navy. We went to
lunch with some of Snookum's fellow sailors a couple of
weeks ago and it was awkward for me, but I survived and
now I'll be going out on my own with them. I'm nervous,
but excited, too. I'm going to try not to think about the
fact that I'm the fattest one going tonight. Snookums said
one of them is pregnant, so maybe she'll be bigger than
me. I doubt it though. I need to just stop thinking this
way!! No one will be thinking of how fat I am, it's all in
my head. And if it isn't and they are thinking about how
fat I am, then fuck them. Yes, I said that, too. I'm going
to start being nicer to me and less forgiving of those who
judge. Ciao for now. Maybe I'll write and tell how my
night on the town went.




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