Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-25 02:32:12 (UTC)

I Will Conquer My Addiction

I'm so proud of myself! I've managed to go over 24 hours
without binging on anything. We even went out to eat and I
still stuck to the contract I made with myself. This
morning I got up, went for a vigorous walk and turned
around and did it again a couple of hours later. I got my
two work-outs in, so I stuck to the commitment I made. I
ate only for nutritional purposes and not emotional ones,
which is big for me, because each of my emotions has it's
own craving. I'm not going to lie ,though, I am trying
hard not to over-eat. That's why I'm writing now, I'm
trying to occupy myself so I don't head straight for the
kitchen. I even posted a "fat" picture of me on the fridge
to help deter me from raiding it's contents. We did go
shopping for some healthy snacks, but I can't have any of
those, because I'm not allowed to eat anything 3 hours
before I go to bed and since I'm tired out from the
exercise this morning, I intend to go to bed the second
Kiki falls asleep. She was fussy last night, but she still
went to bed at an okay time, 11pm. She slept peacefully
through the night and got up at 7:30am, so I'm not
complaining. How many 3 month olds sleep through the night
religiously? I'm really lucky and I know it. I did decide
that I can have minimal calorie beverages after the 3 hour
mark. I bought teas and coffee to have in the evening,
when I'm dying to eat, but can't. I think compromise is
better than complete failure.

I need to find some other outlet for my emotional eating.
I've considered my exercise ball (whenever I want to eat,
do a few sets of crunches, I'll have abs of steel in a
week!), doing one hundred jumping jacks (my boobs are so
big and full of milk, that would be torture), but nothing
seems like a good idea. I'm trying to get back into the
habit of reading, but that seems to only amplify the
hunger pangs in my stomach, or draw my attention to them
more. I'm trying to drink more fluids, but I just feel
water logged. I know this will get easier as time goes on
and I can feel my craving to nosh slowly subsiding as I
write this. I think maybe I've gotten past this urge.
Hopefully no more come tonight. I don't feel physically
hungry, I feel emotionally hungry, but for the most part
the physical manifestations between the two are identical.
If you felt it, you'd swear you hadn't had dinner yet, but
I have. I know I shouldn't be physically hungry, so it
must be emotional. Just the knowledge of this makes me
feel more in control, even as my stomach churns and begs
for carbs of some sort. I resist. I persevere. I will
conquer my addiction. I will be free from the addictive
grip of food, my drug of choice.




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