Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-15 03:46:18 (UTC)

Falling Off the Wagon

Speaking of falling off the wagon...I think I did a
backward somersault off the wagon today. Honestly, it
wasn't that bad, but this morning I seriously had the
munchies and I didn't control them in the least bit. I
haven't had my customary pancakes in almost a week, so I
still consider myself good. I'm just not liking the whole
control thing very much. I like to eat what I want, when I
want, as much as I want. So, portion control and good food
choices aren't really a fun change to implement into my
life. I want cheesecake as we speak and if Snookums is
willing, he'll be making a mid-night trip to Safeway or
Albertson's to get one for me. Sometimes he loves me to a
fault. It doesn't help me, I manipulate his love and I use
it to get what I want sometimes. I'm pretty sure he knows
I don't need the cheesecake, but he never tells me no.
Probably because he knows he wants that cheesecake, too.
Since I've made this realization, I'm not going to mention
the cheesecake to him. It would be wrong to use him when
I've just came to the realization that I'm doing it.

So, today was a lazy day, as my weekends usually are, but
this weekend was different from last weekend, because last
week I got everything done that I wanted to, so I felt I'd
earned my two days off. I did notice that the floors need
to be swept tomorrow and I need to do Snookums' and my
laundry, the basket is getting full, but I didn't feel
like the house was falling apart. Maybe my obsession with
everything being perfect is starting to subside. That
would be great, I don't need obsessive-compulsive on my
resume of mental problems along with depressed and low
self-image. I honestly am feeling better, though. I'm
taking this happy time as a sign that things are going to
get better from now on. I'm going to get over the pain my
step-father created in my life. I'm going to get down to a
healty weight again. I'm going to live up to my true
potential (whatever that may be) and I'm going to be a
happy mommy for my babies.

Enough of the pep-talk for now. I'm going to go consumate
my marriage, something we haven't been doing much of
lately because of my mysterious bleeding. I don't know
what it is. I'm nursing and I'm on the Depo-Prevera birth
control shot and I'm all messed up. I don't have periods
like I use to, but the past 3 weeks I've had none-stop
spotting everyday in some form or another. I was just
about to call my gynocologist tomorrow morning, but it
mysteriously stopped just like it mysteriously started. I
know it has something to do with the birth control shot. I
didn't realize that it was such a controversial option
when I got it. Naval Hospital gives the shot out as
standard issue when you come for your 6 week postpardum
checkup. When I got home, I looked it up on the internet
and I was shocked at how many women have had negative side-
effects and negative feelings about the shot in general. I
have to admit I regretted getting it and not even two
hours later, I started having side-effects. Snookums said
I don't have to go back for the next shot in September,
we'll just use condoms. I've been feeling bad, physically,
when I normally wouldn't and the only thing different is
the shot. So, if you're of child-bearing age and you need
birth control, think about Depo before you get it. There's
my public service announcement for the day. Now, let me go
take care of my husband :)




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