Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-05 02:12:05 (UTC)

The Loss of My Daddy

Well, it's over. The day I've been dreading is over and
done with. It seemed like everything that could go wrong,
did. Hood Canal Bridge was closed, so we had to wait for
it to open. It was a hot day, all of us were cranky, I
almost got into a fight with some woman in Quizno's
parking lot. On the way home they detoured us 40 miles in
the opposite direction of home, straight into a wall to
wall traffic jam. I've got a massive headache and I'm sure
my writing is incoherant, so I'll just try to trudge
through the details of the day as best I can.

When my step-father walked into the courtroom, I didn't
look at him. It wasn't until about 10 minutes into the
hearing that I actually looked at him and thats when I
broke down. It wasn't because I was hurting so much. It
was because I felt so guilty about ruining his life. I
know I didn't ruin his life, he did, but thats all part of
the deception he created in my head. He was so thin and
frail looking. His voice sounded like an old man and his
hair was over-grown and shaggy (so unlike his perfect
military hair cut I'm so use to seeing). He wasn't the
Daddy I remember and I think that is what I was mourning
most. The loss of my Daddy. Anyway, he got 14 months and 1
day, and he has to pay restitution for therapy and 50
dollars a month in child support. I think it's a sorry
excuse for a sentance, but I don't write the laws.

I do feel as though some sort of weight has been lifted
off my shoulders. As we were driving out of Coupeville, I
had the feeling that I was excaping from prison and I was
never returning. I honestly don't know if I will ever
return to Coupeville again. It was the single most painful
location for me on this planet. Everything bad that's
happened to me, happened there. Why would I want to go
back? That would be like picking the scab off of an almost
healed wound. Then you have to start the healing process
all over again. I've been drained emotionally by this for
the last time.

I'm starving. Tonight I'm making omelets and pancakes (I
didn't get any this morning) for dinner and I'm going to
enjoy them. I'm also going to sleep tonight, so don't
expect to hear from me at 1am!




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