Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-08-04 02:42:49 (UTC)

Self - Fulfilling Prophecy

Of course, I didn't get done what I wanted to get done. I
could almost have predicted that I wouldn't, because I
thought I wouldn't. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started by putting Kiki's laundry in, then I moved on to
writing that letter to my Aunt, which ended up being 5
pages long and took just as many hours to word just right.
I think I made my peace, though and if she doesn't contact
me by phone, mail or e-mail, then fuck her, I don't need
her anyway. It's her loss, not mine.

I've got this massive headache. Snookums gave me an 800mg
Motrin, left over from my post-partum recovery from having
Kiki. I'm starting to feel better. Now it doesn't feel
like my eyes are going to fall out of my head. Its been
warm the past couple of weeks and I've been neglecting my
fluid intake, pretty much just drinking enough to make
milk. I had my customary pancakes for breakfast this
morning and thats it. I went from binge eating to not
eating. No wonder I don't feel well. Why is my behavior
always so distructive?

I was crying in bed when Snookums got home today. He
didn't even take off his uniform, he just crawled in bed
and held me until I stopped. The hearing tomorrow is
really starting to get to me. I'll be so glad when it's
over. I tried to call the Kitsap County District
Attorney's office to get help with the back child support
paperwork, but I couldn't talk to her unless I was an
attorney and her assistant never called me back, so it
didn't get done, either. I guess in that case it wasn't my
fault. I was so pissed off that they didn't treat me with
more respect. All I wanted was to talk to a human, ask a
few questions and get some help. Instead I was directed to
the voicemail of a woman I've never even spoken to before.
I hate the legal system and all it stands for. I'll be so
grateful when all of this shit is behind me. If its not
one thing, it's another. Tomorrow isn't even the end of
the criminal case, because then we have the restitution
hearing. On and on it goes, where it'll stop, no one knows.

I'm starving to death. I'm going to go hop back in bed,
like I never left (Snookums told me to rest). He went out
to get us dinner, since I was in no mood to cook. I thank
God everyday for that man. Why does he love me so much? I
ask him all the time and he can never give me a good
enough answer. My mother always us to say "Don't question
a person that is giving you something, they might think
better of it and change their mind". My mother was crazy,
but she did have a point sometimes.




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