Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2005-07-26 19:14:48 (UTC)

My First Day

I've had many diaries in the past. This isn't the first,
and it probably won't be the last, but this one will be
different. I'm hoping that today will be the first day of
the rest of my life. So much has happened I feel I've lost
myself in the process and I've got to try and find myself,
maybe for the first time in my life. I've heard that
writing things down can be theraputic, so I'm banking on
that. I need therapy.

I've been struggling to deal with the abuse I suffered as
a child. I was repeatedly molested and raped by my
stepfather, until I became pregnant when I was sixteen.
Now I'm struggling to raise the now six year old product
of that abuse, on top of taking care of a new baby and a
husband. On the outside, my life looks happy and normal,
but I'm anything but. I feel lost. I don't know what I
want to do with my life or who I want to be. I've been
trying to hide for so long that now I can't seem to find
me. I struggle with emotional eating and now at 212 pounds
I NEED to make a change. I hate the way I look and feel.
My husband is incredibly loving and understanding, but I
can't burden him with these feelings and in the interest
of my mental sanity, I figured a diary would be good.

I chose to have an online diary that people could read,
because I want someone else to read it and understand that
people have problems and they can deal with them. I've
been dealing with depression on top of everything else and
I'm just sick of things the way they are. I'm going to
change my life and maybe I can hold myself accountable
instead of blaming everyone else for my unhappiness.




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