I cut myself

Welc0meXtoXmyXlife
2003-09-16 02:47:26 (UTC)

*i am lost and see thru.. I think you've lost yourself too*~change GC

hey.
today was shit. i got to school..cried to every1 then spent
the day moping around like i have nothing to live for. I
don't...no one that loves me anyway.. besides my friends....
hell, i dunno what i'd do without sean and abe and
maddeline and sarah.
they comfort me so damn much..
every1 says josh will come back to me..I don't think he
will...honestly.
and i seriously have concidered doug...
but then i just keep seeing me and josh..kissing, holding
each other, laughing, touching.. and i can't handle it.
i remind myself that he doesn't love me anymore..but i
still want to be with him.. i still hope and pray there's
something deep down inside of him that wants to be with me..
i should just give up...I wanted me and him to last forever.
it was a great 7 months.. and if i could change anything
it'd be that i wish i hadn't of been a bitch to him, and
that i had never kissed sean.
I love sean, he's my brother, but I totally and completely
screwed things up with me and josh by doing that.
now i'm all alone and every1 else is happy..I can't be
alone. it hurts to bad...
I called josh.. lizzie answered and was talking to me, then
she had a beep, and i waited for like 5 or 8 minutes then i
was like "goodbye josh" and hung up..
i figure it was lacey and josh didn't click back over to
me, because he doesn't want to talk to me.
Sean seemed a little distracted today.. i'm not sure
what about though...i'm sure he's ok now.
well.. g2g..

*change*
"I am lost and see thru.. I think you've lost urself too
throughout all of this confusion, i hope i somehow get to
you.I practice all the things i'd say..to tell you how i
feel.and when i finally get my chance it all seems so
surreal. cause from the first time i saw you i only thought
about you. i didn't know you i wanted to hold on to..all
the things you never say to me.
cause u said,
u can't change the way u feel.
(i could never do that. i could never do that)
you can't tell me this aint real cause this is real
(and u can see right through that)
and in the end its all i've got.
so i'll hold on to that.
so i'm gonna hold on and on and on
on and on and on and on
and now u've got me watching ur eyes
(i'm watching just to see,watchin just to see)
got me waiting just to see
if u'll ever look at me.
if it goes away, it never will
(will it ever will it ever go my way)
your eyes are watching me
and now u've got me thinkin bout
the first time that i met you
standing in a crowded room..but i could only see you
and i hope my word will get through cause now i can't
forget you.
i wanna tell u. if only i could reach you.
and make u feel this way
but u said u can't change the way u feel.
i could never do that. i could never do that)
you can't tell me this aint real cause this is real
(and u can see right through that)
and in the end its all i've got.
so i'll hold on to that.
so i'm gonna hold on and on and on
on and on and on and on
on and on and on and on and on.....

this is how it feels to be alone,
Megan




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