I cut myself

Welc0meXtoXmyXlife
2003-06-03 18:43:31 (UTC)

Momma knows

hey! sorry its been so long. i've been busy? ok..bad excuse
i know. well i stayed with josh all weekend. it was fun.
sarah and jessica and maddeline were there. i love those
girls. they're there for me. Always. My brother..sean
Vanfossen (not my real brother) stayed too. me and josh got
into a little argument. its because i wanted to spend time
with him, but he kept findin somethin else to do... and
then there was the one time where i was sittin in the
dining room with sean and maddeline and josh walked in and
decided to straddle maddeline..
i tried to ignore it. but i couldn't. so i decided to go
to bed. sean came up, and was like " sis whats wrong?" he
saw me crying.. and he knew.
Last night, momma and me and brandi were at mcdonalds and
she goes "shay told me how you had her buy you a pregnancy
test..." i was quiet. she was like " you and josh have been
having sex" i said yeah. and she asked me why i didn't tell
her, and i was like "because you get mad at me easily. and
i didn't want you to make me break up with josh" she said
she's sorry that she gets mad easily. and she's not gonna
make me break up with josh. she just wants me to be VERY
careful. I am. I guess he's gonna move back to tucker at
the END of june, that way he can go for his court hearing.
i dunno what i'm gonna do without him. Sarah's gonna miss
him almost as much as i will.
she and i almost cried in 7th period yesterday.
I making him a journal of everything.. notes..his poems..
daily entries...to take with him to tucker..because he has
an obsession with reading my journal everytime he comes
here. lol. used to not be able to talk to him.. so i'd
write what i was feeling in my journal, then let him read
it. and we'd fix things. but now.. its so easy to talk to
him. I tell him everything. except that ... I don't want
him to leave. i'll be lost without him here. I used to cut
myself.. did i ever tell you that? well if not.. now i did.
he found the cuts one day.. and he made me stop. now i get
upset when i see other people do it. Like sarah. and
maddeline, they're SO much better than that, they're too
beautiful to mess themselves up with scars.
sarah doesn't do it anymore. i'm glad.
she's like a sister to me, i tell her everything too.
anyway momma wants online, so i'll write later.
Madd love,
*~MEGAN~* i




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