I cut myself

Welc0meXtoXmyXlife
2003-05-24 19:58:34 (UTC)

JENNA CALLED

hey! last night i was bored so i called Jimmy...we were
talkin and he goes "meg, is there anyone else on the
phone?" and i was like "no...why?" and he goes "umm..do you
still like me?" and i was like "umm.. no, i love josh" and
he goes "oh.ok" i'm sure it was nothing.
went and saw the lizzie mcguire movie and holes.. they
were good.
came home and called and talked to jimmy till 4am
woke up this mornin, and momma told me that jenna had
called.. i flipped out. i was so happy.. but sad, because i
missed her call.
me and momma went up to gast, and when i came back..jenna
had called again, and left a message on the machine.. i
called abe,and told him
then she called while i was here and i answered it and she
was like "OMG MEGAN!!!!!!" and i started crying.. she asked
me if i was still with josh.. i told her yeah, she was
happy. and then i told her about abe and maddeline, and
brandi and cj and stuff like that. guess what! she has a
home visit in 3 weeks. i can't wait. I miss her more and
more everyday. i cried to josh the other night, because i
miss her so much. she's not around to help me through my
problems like before.
when i'm sad. i have to think "what would jenna do if she
were here..or what would jenna do if she were me" and that
sometimes helps.. but not as much as i wish it would.
if i think about how much i miss her, i get a hallow..
almost empty feeling inside me.. in my heart. i formed such
a close bond with her.. in the 2 months i knew her than i
ever have with anyone.. she made me laugh. she made me who
i am now. the famous Phrase "* SUCK MY DICK!!!*" lol
i haven't got to tell her that maddeline hangs out with
me and the click on the weekends.. she'll be pissed. and
i'm kinda afraid that when jenna comes back.. i'll pull
away from maddeline, because i love jenna so much that i
don't wanna loose her. i mean, don't get me wrong.. i do
love maddeline. but its different with her, because she two
faced me. i mean before she ever kissed josh she was
like "megan, i'll never do anything with josh while your
goin out with him, because i know you love him" and then..
2 days later.. she kissed him. and I'll NEVER forgive her
for that. I mean maybe i don't remind her of it everyday..
but its always there.. when i look at her, when i think of
her, when i talk to her, hear her. i can't look at her
without thinkin about that...i see her and josh kissing
everytime i look at her.. or josh for that matter. but he
told me to get over it and give her a chance.. so i am..
and now, he hates her.. he told me he does.. he said he
wishes she'd die.. thats harsh to say.. but its his
feelings. unless he's just saying that so i won't think
he'll do anything with her ever again.
Jenna asked me today on the phone.. she goes
"how long do you think you and josh will last?"
and without even thinking i go "forever"
she goes "i hope so" and i agreed with her.
I hope jimmy and Nancy last too.. he loves her. or atleast
he says he does. i dunno what he's feeling.
I love Josh Dice!!! mad love, Megan




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