FierceFlawless WHAT THE FUCK?!?! none of this was EVER supposed to happen. i can't believe people i thought were my friends could do something like this to me. the people i loved and trusted took those things for granted. i feel used. this entire thing is fucked. before i knew the truth i had a plan of what i was going to do. then i learned the half-truth and i was prepared to break up with mike. now i know the full truth, and i should have followed through with those actions but i can't bring myself to. the thought of him with anyone else makes me sick. he's supposed to only be mine. but then he goes and he does something fucking stupid that screws everything up. and i just sit here with my eyes half closed trying to ignore what's going on around me so i can figure out whats in my head. i don't even know if that makes any sense. i can't think straight! i guess i'll just put in the convo for good measure...i don't know what else to do. SupraDude45: kt beee what r ya doin BAM its KT: reading rachel's diary SupraDude45: mmkay SupraDude45: mm i miss you SupraDude45: what r ya doin babe? BAM its KT: emailing rachel SupraDude45: o what for? BAM its KT: because i want to SupraDude45: if it's ok to ask SupraDude45: ok srry i was jjust askin BAM its KT: i didn't say you couldn't SupraDude45: well it sounded like you got all mad at me BAM its KT: no SupraDude45: o ok SupraDude45: srry SupraDude45: if it is ok to ask what ya emailing her about if ya don't wana tell me it's ok BAM its KT: i'll copy and paste it once i'm done SupraDude45: mmmkay SupraDude45: lmme know when ur done b abe BAM its KT: i'm done...i think BAM its KT: i have no idea SupraDude45: mmkay SupraDude45: well BAM its KT: i feel like i ended up apologizing to her BAM its KT: hmmm BAM its KT: read it SupraDude45: i think that is very good SupraDude45: and it kinda sounde dlike u forgave her BAM its KT: i kinda did BAM its KT: i understand what she was thinking SupraDude45: yaa a lil SupraDude45: well is that good? BAM its KT: i don't fully understand what you were thinking SupraDude45: or i mean i dono SupraDude45: well as of what i have told you what do you think i was thinking? BAM its KT: i have no clue BAM its KT: that's why i asked ou BAM its KT: with a y* SupraDude45: katie i was thinking so much it was all one big blur SupraDude45: i really don't know what came over me BAM its KT: SupraDude45: it means you should know when a guy get's ina situtaion like that his dick starts taking control of everything SupraDude45: yes i did say that do you understand? BAM its KT: do you like rachel? SupraDude45: no i do not! BAM its KT: then wtf does that mean?! SupraDude45: katie cal down SupraDude45: let me explain SupraDude45: ok? BAM its KT: you don't deserve it, but okay SupraDude45: you have never heard the expresion? BAM its KT: what expression? SupraDude45: it means when a guy gets ina a situtaion like that it is like something come inside of him and starts controling things SupraDude45: and i was all a blur to me BAM its KT: that's no excuse SupraDude45: thats what i emant by it BAM its KT: that's when a picture of me is supposed to explode into your mind and you're supposed to realize what you're doing is wrong BAM its KT: when I realized that as he moved his hand up my back he was kind of pulling my shirt up SupraDude45: and i didn't do that BAM its KT: So I told him it was a bad idea... and he's all hugging me around my stomach saying it's okay... and I was telling him no, it really wasn't, and it sucked that we couldn't do anything but he had a girlfriend. He said he wouldn't feel guilty about it the next day and I was like yeah you will... but he kept saying no no no... SupraDude45: thats one of those times were it was not me talking katie SupraDude45: i don't know what came over me BAM its KT: on top of me kissing me and I was running my hands along his back and chest and he had his hands on me and... it was really intense... SupraDude45: wtf is that BAM its KT: on top of me kissing me SupraDude45: no BAM its KT: do not lie to me SupraDude45: i don;t think ON TOP SupraDude45: it was like a lean on SupraDude45: no ON TOP BAM its KT: lean on?????? SupraDude45: ya like i was like leaning BAM its KT: what were you THINKING?! SupraDude45: i don't know! BAM its KT: do i mean anything at all to you BAM its KT: ? SupraDude45: damnit katie YES! BAM its KT: don't fucking swear at me SupraDude45: YESYESYESYESYES! BAM its KT: you don't have that right SupraDude45: yes you mean everything to me SupraDude45: srry for that BAM its KT: He then asked if the logo on the back of his shirt was bothering me, and it was all sticking to my hands so I was like "Yeah"... so he took his shirt off. SupraDude45: no i moved it up i didn't take it off SupraDude45: like it wa son my shoulders BAM its KT: then it might as well be off BAM its KT: He kept tapping his lap and then my leg and his lap, and I was like "what?" and he told me to sit on his lap and when I asked why he said "because it feels good"... SupraDude45: not like that...the front and all was down i pulled up the back of my shirt BAM its KT: you'll understand if i don't believe you SupraDude45: what BAM its KT: BAM its KT: He kept tapping his lap and then my leg and his lap, and I was like "what?" and he told me to sit on his lap and when I asked why he said "because it feels good"... SupraDude45: i wasn't inplyng her tosit ON my lap SupraDude45: but to sit on the couch in front of me BAM its KT: he told me to sit on his lap and when I asked why he said "because it feels good"... SupraDude45: i didn'tell her to sit on my lap BAM its KT: again, i don't know whether or not to believe you SupraDude45: and no she never did sit on mylap the closests she was was sittin on the couch in front of me and she leaned back SupraDude45: put her behind was not on my lap SupraDude45: you should cuz i told you i am not lying to you nemore BAM its KT: how can i believe that that's true? SupraDude45: becasue i am bieng honest with you and i told you i am not lying to you ever again BAM its KT: you have no idea how much this hurts me SupraDude45: katie it's hrting me too BAM its KT: no its not SupraDude45: i know ur not gonna belive that SupraDude45: but it is BAM its KT: it can't SupraDude45: becaus eit is my burdon SupraDude45: becasue i did this SupraDude45: i did this to you BAM its KT: don't try to make this about you SupraDude45: i am telling you why this i shurting me BAM its KT: i don't care why its hurting you BAM its KT: you're the one who did it SupraDude45: and i care why it is hurting you SupraDude45: and i know i did it SupraDude45: and i am going to do everything in my power to gain your trust agin becasue you will never have to worry about this happening again SupraDude45: and i mean that BAM its KT: everything that happened with her should have happened with me! BAM its KT: you don't get it SupraDude45: i know katie it should have BAM its KT: it doesn't seem like you feel very bad about it SupraDude45: katie SupraDude45: i do! BAM its KT: did wednesday mean anything to you? SupraDude45: i feel like sh*t BAM its KT: it meant a lot to me SupraDude45: yes katie SupraDude45: it meant a whole sh*t lot to me BAM its KT: you SHOULD feel like shit SupraDude45: i DO SupraDude45: and i know i should and i do SupraDude45: i do katie with the very little trust you have for me witht hat ery lil bit you should trust me when i say i feel like shit BAM its KT: do you have any idea of how much i completely cannot stand thinking about you with anyone else? SupraDude45: yes i relize that now SupraDude45: and i damn sure respect that now SupraDude45: and i told you from here on i am going to be loyal and faithfull to you BAM its KT: i still can't believe you SupraDude45: i am not ever kissing another grl besides you BAM its KT: i want to throw up every time i think about what you did SupraDude45: in anyway BAM its KT: i almost called evelyn at school today and told her to come pick me up because i couldn't get that picture out of my head SupraDude45: i'm srry katie SupraDude45: i promise you with all my heart my life and all of what i am that it will never happen again SupraDude45: i am not ever doign anything with anygirl except you SupraDude45: i have learned a life long lesson SupraDude45: i have abig lumpi n my throat i am shaking BAM its KT: i won't tell you what i'm doing SupraDude45: i think i know SupraDude45: and after this you will never have to do it again unless there are for happiness SupraDude45: i swear my life ont hat SupraDude45: never again will you cry for sadness SupraDude45: ever again BAM its KT: if i find out that you and nola did anything tonight, know that you and i are over SupraDude45: katie i have promised my life on this SupraDude45: why do you think i would go out and so it SupraDude45: do* BAM its KT: what do you mean? SupraDude45: katie i am serious i am not ever cheating on you again SupraDude45: belive me or not i am not SupraDude45: ever going to do this agian SupraDude45: what do i mean i mean i have promised you on my life that i will never cheat on you again SupraDude45: so why would i go out and do it SupraDude45: talk to me katie BAM its KT: what do you want me to say? SupraDude45: w/e you feel would be right to say now BAM its KT: i mean this as an honest question SupraDude45: katie i love you with all of my heart and you should know/belive that because i do i have told you before if i did not care or love you as much as i do i would not be here SupraDude45: mmkay BAM its KT: if you could hear me say anything right now, what would you want me to say? SupraDude45: i would want/like you to say the you love me and you want to be with me SupraDude45: but that is what i want and right now what i want is not important SupraDude45: it is what you want SupraDude45: talkt o me katie SupraDude45: pleeze SupraDude45: katie... BAM its KT: what? SupraDude45: pleeze talkt o me SupraDude45: why won't you talk to me SupraDude45: katie SupraDude45: katie please SupraDude45: what are you doing BAM its KT: making a diary SupraDude45: and you can' talk to me BAM its KT: well i don't know what to say SupraDude45: tell me what you think or how you feel about all of what i have said BAM its KT: no SupraDude45: why? BAM its KT: because right now what i think isn't what i'm going to think once i've had time to think about it BAM its KT: .........i think SupraDude45: well think about it SupraDude45: and let me know when you think you know MORAL OF TODAY'S STORY: you lie to me, you get rocks thrown at your balls...(not really) |