Mezzo Swede I am tired. I am tired of not knowing what my future is going to be about. I am tired of having Multiple Sclerosis hanging over my head. And I know this sounds horrible, but I am tired of seeing awkward, annoying, mean people getting married and having simple, happy, tidy lives, and be "blessed" with this and that. I realize that I have no right to complain, as I did meet Terence, and things are on the right track. But what if I screwed up? Maybe he doesn't want marriage, and just wants career? I always dreamed I'd have a wedding, with mom and dad there, so proud...I'd be young and beautiful, and successful. I feel like I am none of these things anymore. I envisioned that I'd be married by 25. It's stupid to put an age on something as elusive as "happiness". But I have this nagging feeling like time is running out. For me. I am worried that my life will be "be patient", "just a few more months, years...". Nothing but a series of false alarms. Dreams that fall apart, and ambitions that come up short.... |