how pathetic is our government? So apparently it has been a while since I updated in here...sorry about that....life happens...be WARNED this is a poor me post, everyone needs to vent some time, this just so happens to be mine. I sit here at 31 years old looking at my life and I'm realising I'm NOT happy....not in the least, I had plans for my life, I wasn't going to be stuck her in this god forsaken state, I was going to be a traveler, I was going to do it via the Army, but I was still going to do it. So what happened to that? i had a kid at 17 and got married at 18. Even still I was still going to go I didn't care I was ready, another road block my husband at the time tells me if I go he wont wait for me and he will take our son away from me.....being young I believed him and hung up that dream.....that marriage ended in divorce about a year later.... I moved out from the place we were living together and into an apartment for a year, then I bought my self a manufactured home (basically a nice trailer LOL) and met my neighbor Rich. I fell fast and hard for Rich, he made it easy to do, we had a LOT of fun together, for about 3 months that is then he went to work one day and never came home. Three weeks later I got a call from his Mom telling me he had gotten together with a childhood friend. Talk about devastation. He took a VERY long time to get over. I spent the next year of my life working as many hours as I could in the nursing home and concentrating on Cody (my son) only. Till one day I meet Melody (she worked in the same place as I did) well Mel and I start working the same hall at work and one day in walks this NICE LOOKING man and hes coming to talk to Mel. well she introduced us and there was an instant connection between us....in a flirting way....well any way we all ended up going out that night to a local bar and he was such a nice guy, we had a LOT of fun....eventually we started dating and such...well come to find out this ASS was also screwing half the city...so much for him.... After Matt there were a few other random people nothing really to talk about, at that point I had given up on men... Well then I made the mistake of getting back into paintball...oh Lord...I ran into a guy I had met years earlier out there his name was Doug...we started dating and it took a while but I learned he was a sociopath and a woman abuser...I endured a few years of mental an physical abuse with him until finally I got out... And now the situation I'm in now?? Fuck if I know...we have a daughter together, I love him, but unfortunately like all other relationships I have ever been in he doesn't return the same feelings, I'm miserable :( I know its because I have gained so much weight from the steroids and lack of activity. It's hard to get much activity though when your stuck home ALL the time we are down to one vehicle and he takes it to work with him. When he gets days off usually its him who takes off to the store or where ever if we need anything. Once every two months he also gets to travel some where across country for reffing paintball for 5 days....what do I get to do NOTHING....stay home and watch kids and clean house...now I know hes out making money for bills and what ever he wants but what about me I NEVER get any time for me and I'm going INSANE...I'm not a maid!! I am my own person although I don't feel like it I have spent my whole life living and or taking care of everyone else I need time for me. I have dreams to. I want to be loved back for once in my life, I want to travel ANYWHERE as long as I can get out of this house and I don't want to go alone, I want to go with some one who loves me. |